Tag Archives: Pork

Meat Recipe #3 – the perfect Pork Crackling!

Pork Crackling.  I’m an atheist by trade but dear Primus if there is a foodstuff that indicates that there may be a higher power at work then it is that!  Bacon, Ham, Pork – bless the humble pig for growing such tasty flesh upon its bones!  Of course it’s not the pigs flesh we are talking about here but the fat.

I’m not a big fat fan as a rule.  I always leave it on when cooking so it helps hold in all those lovely meat juices, but I tend to cut it off more often than not when it comes to eating the meat in question.  But pork crackling is different – it should be its own food group!  Was it not the great Winston Churchil that said  All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope, crackling’ (Historians tend to leave that last word out but many of them are vegetarians – too much time in damp book depositories and not enough exercise so I wouldn’t put it past’em to have cut it on purpose).  And today I am going to share with you the simple yet effective way of getting yourself a good a tasty hunk of this salty pig elixir!

Oh the sordid beauty of it!
Oh the sordid beauty of it!

Step 1: Select a nice piece of pork for roasting, one with a decent carapace of fat on the top.  I usually go for lion roast myself – great for crackling!

Step 2: Score the fat.  Using a serrated knife cut thin gashes through the fat to just the edge of the meat beneath.  How many gashes you cut is up to you.

Step 3: Rub a mixture of sea salt and oil into the fat, making sure you get plenty in the cuts you have scored.

Step 4: Roast the pork for the appropriate time, depending on the cut of meat and size.  Half an hour before the pork is due to be fully cooked remove it from the oven.

Step 5: Use a knife to cut between the pork and the meat and remove the fat in one big piece.   Flip the fat over and on the underside sprinkle some table salt and throw on a small dash of lemon juice.  Return both the roast and the fat to the oven, making sure the fat is underside up.

Step 6: Remove the pork from oven at the appropriate time and check the fat.  It should be solidifying by now and a reddy-brown colour.  You should be able to bend the piece of crackling a little bit but not too much.  Too dry and it will shatter, too moist and you will be eating a piece of salty rubber.  If the crackling appears too moist pop it back in the oven for another 20 minutes, giving it a little spray of oil.

Step 7: Give the crackling a short amount of time to cool – then eat the lot!  If someone tries to take it from you – well you are at the dinner table with all those big knives handy – defend your pork!

 

And that’s it! – oil, salt and a bit of lemon juice is all you need!  Oh there are plenty of recipes out there that call for garlic or rosemary (much better on lamb than on pork in my opinion) but for crackling where you want to still taste that delicious pork, then keep it simple and don’t overpower it with competing flavors.  Happy eating!

 

Have a different Pork Crackling recipe?  Share it below for everyone to enjoy!

The NEWEST most evil animal in the world!

For years I have believed, quite rightly, that Octopus were truly the most evil of all animals (for details on why I believed this the case please see my blog post HERE).  However I have to be man enough to admit when I am wrong, when I have made a mistake.  Because I have discovered an animal that is even MORE evil that Octopus, a creature that causes such pain and misery that it’s eradication is well overdue.

 

This evil creature is the Australian Paralysis Tick.

Who knew the ultimate evil would be so small? I always thought it would look like my ex-wife - though there is a certain resemblance with the hair legs and pincer-like mouth
Who knew the ultimate evil would be so small? I always thought it would look like my ex-wife – though there is a certain resemblance with the hairy legs and bulbous arse

What this tick does is truly abominable, truly evil, truly horrendous. This little bastard will bite some animal like a bandicoot or something and take something called alpha-gel from the animal away with it. Then when this gelled-up tick see’s you it leapfrogs on like the mini-assassin it is.  It crawls inside your clothing and bites you to suck your blood, little vampire fragger, and deposits some of the gel.  Now this can cause things like rashes or even an anaphylactic reaction.  But there is something it’s bite does that goes waaaay beyond that.

It’s bite… wait for this… it’s bite can make you ALLERGIC TO RED MEAT!

 

Let me say it again so the full horror of this can sink in…

IT’S. BITE. CAN. MAKE. YOU. ALLERGIC. TO. RED. MEAT! 

 

Have you ever heard of anything so frighteningly horrible in all your days?!  You can’t eat red meat anymore!  You can never in your life have a steak again – ever!  No pork, beef or lamb for you for the rest of your now miserable days!

I don’t believe in suicide personally, but f*ck me!  If ever something was going to make me put a bullet through my own brainpan it would be that!

There are three true joys of life: Family, Transformers and Meat.  Those are the top three without question, undebatable.  Beer & Hobby Farming come a close 4th and 5th but those are the three that truly make life special, bring joy to your soul, let you know that the world is a wondrous place (yeah sex is good too and probably up there when you are young, but when you have a family it’s just a nice treat for those ultra-rare times when the kids are asleep and you are both not exhausted).

Anyway, imagine yourself sitting outside on a sunny spring day, having lunch with your family on your little farm, watching the bee’s and butterflies flying from tree to tree pollinating your fruit crop.  Birdsong in the air.  Your son is playing with his Stunticons at the table while you have your latest Protectobot sitting inside awaiting your attention.  You have a beer in one hand and sitting in front of you is…. a salad.

What is wrong with this picture?

Hmmmm.  Family – tick.  Transformers – tick.  Hobby Farm – tick.  Beer – tick.  Meat…..

…. where the f*ck is the f*cking meat?! No good tick there because some bad tick decided to f*cking bite you!

Now I don’t mind veggies, hell I grow a lot of’em.  But they are the secondary food source, they are there to add a little colour to your meal which by all rights should have a steak so big it’s overlapping the edges of the plate.  To take that away from someone, to deny someone that true pleasure for the rest of their lives….. I’m getting all teary just thinking about those poor souls it has happened to.  Yes you can technically still eat chicken and fish – but for every damn meal? Forever?! And fish is a honorary meat at best, ranked alongside cheese and potatoes.

So that’s what this bastard of a creature does – truly the total prick of the animal world!  Apparently this tick lives on the east coast of Australia, spread out from Lakes Entrance in Victoria up to Cooktown  in far north Queensland.  Or as I refer to it “The area of Australia I will now never, ever visit again!”

Where is the government on this?  It’s been recently announced that the AIDS epidemic in Australia is now officially over, the sector that has monitored it said that the statistics of AIDS in Australia are now so low that they are not really quantifiable.  So if an awful disease that stopped people enjoying sex is at an end, how about we channel all that funding into combating this latest horrific threat that stops people enjoying red meat!

They might be a thousand miles from here but not taking any damn chances!
They might be a thousand miles from here but not taking any damn chances!

Where are the guys is Hazmat Suits, with giant magnifying glasses and flamethrowers stalking through every tick ravaged area, destroying these filthy little mongrels?  Why has the entire eastern coast of Australia not been evacuated so that giant airships full of tick-killing spray can strafe the areas for weeks, killing each and every single one!   Hell, maybe we could  get giant earth digging equipment and cut off the entire eastern edge of Australia and shove it out to sea where we could safely bomb it into oblivion.

Seems a bit extreme I know, but I’d rather let loose a bunch of nukes than never eat a porterhouse again.  I can take living on the continent that has the most poisonous spiders and snakes, has the biggest crocs and sharks, but there is only so much a man can stand.

 

F*ck you Australian Paralysis Tick, you dirty f*cking evil little prick tick bastard you!

Meat Review – The Kings Hotel in Bathurst

There are two things I look for in my meat when I go out to dinner – quality and quantity.  Ya gots to have both!  Nothing more irritating then paying a fortune for a meal and it comes out in portions that a dwarf would look at and say “Thats lousy!“.  Also irritating is when you do get a big meal but it tastes average or below – just means you’ve got a lot of mediocre food to get through.  Luckily, the Kings Hotel in Bathurst has both quality and quantity ticked – especially the QUANTITY!

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Now this is a pub that knows it’s damn meat!  No piddly little servings here.  Be prepared for a plate of tucker so big that your bowel movement the next day is likely to crack even the strongest porcelain!  Everything on the menu (all averaging between $28 & $35) comes out in massive servings that even a seasoned glutton such as I finds impressive.  For instance, here is the Kids Menu Steak & Chips:

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Now I’ve been to this pub several times with various folk and I’ve yet to hear anyone complain about their meals.  However I’m going to take you through the three I’ve had – all bowel-busting delights!

Cajun Surf & Turf
sirloin steak topped with balmain bug & prawns in a cajun infused butter

This is by far the tastiest thing on the menu!  The steak and balmain bug are both of a hefty size and cooked beautifully and the cajun butter is just fan-freakin-tastic! Genuinely really tasty! This is one of those meals will leave you going “Wow – god damn!  That was good!”  I recommend helping it down with a few beers, and if you are a Transformers Fan then you can’t go past the below beer, especially in 2016!

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Rack of Pork Ribs
Bourbon bbq & apple sauce with chips & salad

They didn’t off Piglet or Wilbur for this – they killed one of those big boars out of Footrot Flats, ripped it’s ribs out, cooked’em up and slapped them on a plate!  Quite possibly the biggest serving of ribs I’ve ever had served up to me!  The meat is very tender, however without a sauce on it, it is a bit bland.  I was surprised to find the restaurant would not budge on the sauce.  You could only get bourbon bbq & apple, nothing else.  They were kind enough to put it on the side for me but I would have still preferred a different flavour option, maybe something mustardy.  So this is good but only grab it if you are a massive pork fan or like the aforementioned sauce flavour.

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Now for the REAL reason to visit this restaurant……

THE KINGS KILO STEAK!
1kg of rump steak (cooked up to medium)

A lot of people feel intimidated by the idea of eating a kilo of beef in one go.  Why?!  I find this fear completely foreign, even when I was a skinny bugger I could down giant steaks like matlesers.  Considering I ate a 1.5kg Pork Knuckle in Germany, a 1kg steak holds no fears for the likes of I.  And nor should it for you!  Eat it!  Eat the damn steak!  I’ve had steaks this size at many locals but I will say this was the best one.  The fact they refuse to cook it more than medium shows they have a clue what they are doing, I prefer medium-rare myself.  This steak was juicy, tender, succulent and you got a choice of sides and sauces (I personally went with a hearty gravy but the garlic would have been good too).  At well under $40 you are definitely getting your money’s worth.  Eat this steak!  Eat it because it’s tasty, eat it to prove to yourself you can, eat it to impress your friends, but most of all… eat it because it’s the right thing to do.

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So in a nutshell this restaurant is well worth visiting.  The food is tasty, the beer cold and the meal portions are beyond reproach!  Go get yaself a a gut-full right now!

 

A link to the Kings Hotel can be found here: http://kingsongeorge.com.au/kingstable/