Tag Archives: Spock

Star Trek V: Kirk vs God

While I quite like Star Wars – the first three movies made at any rate – I’m much more of a Trekkie.  And like my feelings on Star Wars, I much prefer the original stuff to the new stuff.  Oh there have been some quite good new movies made in both franchises, but it’s the old stuff that revs my engine.

Before Star Trek: The Next Generation debuted, there were 6 Star Trek movies. Admittedly the first one was a dog’s breakfast, an absolute shitshow which even the most die hard Trek fans struggle to like. The others were more well received but there is one that still cops flak – unfairly in my opinion – to this day. And that is Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

Or as I like to call it – Kirk vs God.

Back in The Original Series Kirk faced down not only supremely powerful aliens with god-like powers routinely, but even met old gods from Earth like those of the Greek Pantheon.  In these encounters Kirk either had sex with them or beat them up – a winning formula for a Starship Captain on the frontier. 

Kirk: “I don’t care if he is in a dress – I’m not boning this one”

In Star Trek V this attitude of James Tiberius is taken to the extreme.  Let’s look a short synopsis of the plot:

 

*Kirk, Spock and Bones go camping, play with jet-boots and get drunk.

Kirk: “I was pissed and napping. I ain’t getting fully dressed for whatever this is”

*Spock’s half-brother Sybok brainwashes the crew of the Enterprise (bar Kirk & Spock) to fly the Starship to the center of the universe to find God.

*Klingon’s follow as their Commander wants to destroy Kirk since doing so, as his second in command states, it would make him “The greatest warrior in the Galaxy”.

*They find God.  Kirk, Bones, Spock and his brother beam down to a planet and have a chat with him.

God: “Hey, I’m God. I’m all loving, so do as I say or die!”

*Kirk doesn’t like the cut of God’s jib – Kirk thinks God is coming across as a bit of an arsehole.  So since God isn’t female Kirk picks a fight! God, wisely knowing that if he gets into a brawl with Kirk he will get his celestial arse handed to him, shoots at them with energy bolts instead, then has a wrestle with Spock’s brother and kills him.

*Kirk knows God’s cheating with the energy bolts so returns the favour by having The Enterprise shoot God with photon torpedoes. Kirk’s near where the blasts will impact but knows he can withstand it, whilst God himself sustains a nice bit of damage.  Kirk has his friends beamed away so he can finish the fight one-on-one.

*Kirk and God square off.  Before Kirk can headbutt him, the Klingon Bird of Prey spaceship shows up and shoots God in the face, killing him.  The gun then swings towards Kirk.

*Kirk’s pissed off – that was his fight!  So standing there he calls the Klingon’s bastards (despite the fact THE GUN THAT JUST KILLED GOD IS BEING AIMED RIGHT AT HIM!) and challenges the hovering Klingon Battleship to bring it on!

*Just before Kirk can punch on with the battleship he gets beamed up and turns out it was Spock in the Klingon battleship that shot God, as he was the Vulcan equivalent of pissed off at God for killing his brother.

*Everyone gets drunk again.

 

Now to me, that is good cinema.  Oh, besides the camping scene, the first half of the movie is forgettable with Spock’s half-brother running round curing peoples inner pain and whatnot.  And there was plenty of other stuff that probably could have been cut as well.  However the ending is great!

But then… could the ending have been EVEN BETTER?

I think so.  Frankly I wanted to see Kirk and God duke it out.  It might have been one of the few times Kirk was faced with an actual challenge – the two most powerful entities in the universe getting stuck into each other would have looked great on the big screen!  I also would have liked to see Kirk get into a fight with the Klingon Bird of Prey. Would have Kirk’s fists been enough to take down a heavily armed and armoured alien intergalactic battleship?  Personally I have faith they would have been up to the challenge, but I guess now we’ll never know.

Kirk vs Spaceship – lets get ready to rumble!

So yes, while many prefer the later Star Trek shows and movies, with Picard constantly drinking Earl Grey tea and Janeway talking to others about their feelings instead of, you know, making some tough decisions and actually getting her crew home quick, I shall always be a fan of the Original Series. And the last half hour of Star Trek V, where you get to see Kirk face off against the The Almighty himself and put the smack down, should be treasured by all those fans of Trek.

 

God something to say about this classic piece of cinematic history?  Pop it in the comments section below!

 

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Movie Review – Star Trek Beyond

Movie Review: Star Trek Beyond

To boldly go where no movie has gone before?  Well, considering this is the 13th Star Trek flick its going where the movies have been going for decades!  Simon Pegg once said that every odd numbered Star Trek movie is shit, considering he cowrote this one lets see if his prophecy is self-fulfilling with Star Trek Beyond.

star-trek-beyond-headedr5

 

The third in the new series of Star Trek movies, this picks up a few years after the last one, where the crew of the Enterprise are three years into their 5 year mission.  Kirk is getting sick of travelling deep space and wants to move to the admiralty (as he had in the very first, and arguably, very worst Star Trek flick) and Spock is considering resigning his commission to go help what survivors of the Vulcan race are left after the events of the first of the new Star Trek movies.

But of course, something comes up (otherwise this would be a movie about politics and administration and we already have the Star Wars movies from the 90’s for that).  An alien woman asking for help for her crew stranded on the other side of a nebula which blocks all scanning and transmissions.  And off goes The Enterprise like intergalactic boy scouts  to do some good.

Very quickly we are treated to a big space-battle scene.  Thousands of dart-shaped ships acting as swarm, smashing into the Enterprise from all directions!  Some of these darts pierce the ship to release soldiers, others are just used to tear big holes in the hull.  The Enterprise very quickly finds itself completely outmatched and over the prolonged scene we get to see it completely destroyed a piece at a time.  Soon only a damaged saucer section is left and it goes crashing into the planet below (much like Star Trek: Generations).

The reason for all this?  Some little disk thingy the bad guy wants, that ironically Kirk tried to give to a bunch of ugly little fraggers at the start of the movie that were too paranoid to accept it.  After everything moves planetside the bad guy discovers he does not have it due to a switch and all the surviving Enterprise crew are either held in a detention camp or, if they are one of the stars, emerging from evacuation pods in the forest.

We are treated to some nice scenes between Spock and Bones during their struggle to find shelter for the seriously injured Spock, though they lack the magic, adversarial repartee that Kelly and Nimoy were always able to bring.  We also come to know the one good alien in the movie, a blond, slightly scary, slightly sexy survivalist who Scotty brokers a friendship with.  Over the film she becomes one of the few characters you actually come to care about – for an alien she comes across a lot more fragile yet strong and human than most of the actual human characters.  Strangely, Kirk doesn’t try to shag her, it must have been an off day for him what with losing the Enterprise and all.

As the crew on the loose hatch a plan, we get to see the why the bad guy wanted the disk (which Kirk had hidden in a crewmates head.  Considering it was Kirk and a female crew member this shows unusually tactful restraint on his part).  It triggers a bio-weapon that completely destroys organic life.  As weapons go, it’s just a little black cloud so not nearly as impressive as the black-hole generating red goop of the first of the new flicks.  He plans to release it into a gigantic space station we saw in the film earlier and which is really one of the major feats of CGI in the movie – it looks fantastic as a brain-bending, gravity altering snow-globe in space.

 

So off the bad guy goes with his dart-ship armada to lay waste while the crew, now rescued by Kirk on a motorcycle, find an old starship and fly off to stop him.  What we are treated to is the next big battle scene in the movie which on the one hand is awesome and the other hand has a lot of holes in it.  The crew discover that all the darts share a link to stop them crashing into each other and it can be disrupted with loud enough noise if broadcasted close enough.  So on goes a track by The Beastie Boys and they surf the space-wave of darts, them blowing up by the thousands to some bitchin tunes!

It sounds awesome, it looks awesome, but in the context of the movie it doesn’t make sense.  None of the darts are ever seen to be drones, they all have pilots, so why didn’t they scatter from each other?  Also, the ones stationary on the Space Stations hull also blow up – why?  They are not crashing into anything and it’s not like the dart and Bones and Spock are flying blows up as well.  And while there were thousands of darts before, there are MILLIONS now!  Certainty a lot more than were seen leaving the planet earlier.  But it makes for cool candy for the senses and we are talking about fictional space battles so I suppose one should not treat it too seriously.

As the battle with the main bad guy (naturally his ship survived while millions of others didn’t) moves into the space station we find out the truth about him.  It was his ship on the planet that crashed there over a hundred years ago and through alien technology he and his crew found there they discover a way to live longer, though it mutates them and allows them to an extent to change their bodies.  Now I liked this on the whole as I felt one of the things lacking in this movie up to that point was a backstory for the antagonist as well sufficient reasoning for him attacking the Federation.  It turns out he was a Captain during wartime but when the wars finished and the Federation evolved into a peaceful society, he found himself a solider without a fight.  Thus the bad guy in this movie, much like the Star Trek 2 and Star Trek Into Darkness is a human with extra powers.  Kinda cool.

However as cool as this is it leaves more plot holes in the storyline.  How did the crew of one small ship, over the course of not much over a century, grow into the millions?  How were they able to construct so many of those ships?  And if their longevity comes from sucking the lifeforce of other humanoids, how did they find enough aliens in this supposedly remote sector of space to do that without resorting to cannibalizing each other?  Frankly, even in this fictional world, it just doesn’t make sense for this old captain to have been able to make such a force with such limited materials and manpower over that time period.

Anyway, the movie comes to its rather predictable conclusion, and reaching the 2 hour mark you feel well and truly ready for it to be done.  Protagonist fights antagonist, Kirk sacrifices himself to save space station which results in bad guy getting eaten by own weapon, Kirk about to die but saved by Spock and Bones.  For a pretty good movie, the ending was very by-the-numbers and you instinctively know what is going to happen before it does.

 

So despite the flaws mentioned, is Star Trek Beyond worth watching?  Well, yes.  The acting is good, the special effects are excellent, the battles are entertaining and if you are a Trekkie like me you can’t bypass one of these flicks.  There are also for the Trek savvy lots of nice little Easter Eggs, such as Scotty saying that a ship was taken by a giant green hand (it happened in TOS – no really, it did!), Sulu having a daughter and his partner being male (Sulu had a daughter in Star Trek Generations and in real life George Takei who played him in the original series is a proud homosexual and proponent of gay marriage) and lots of other tiny little nods to other iterations of the franchise.  There are also some nice homages to Leonard Nimoy who as most of you would know appeared in the first two new movies but died before this one.  Whilst not delving too deep and not being too morose, both at the start and the end of the movie we are shown new Spock dealing with the death of the original Spock and what implications this has for the world.

 

So yeah, set your phasers to ‘relatively-fun’.  It may go where other movies have gone before, but at least it does it with extra explosions and a bitchin soundtrack!