The culinary balancing act – tis a tightrope that any man who does his share of the cooking at home must walk. On the one hand you need to balance the needs of your wife or girlfriend (never invite both to the same meal – it can only lead to disaster) has in regards to dietary requirements against your need to not eat a meal that tastes like a rabbit took a fart in a meadow. This is not an easy task.
However it is doable. Today I’m going to give you an example using a very simple dish which you can then apply the principles of to other meals. Today we will look at Big Angry Trev’s His & Hers’ Bangers and Mash!
You will need:
*Four sausages
*2 rashers of bacon
*1 egg – duck for preference
*Onion Gravy mix
*Frozen Veggies – peas, corn & carrot
*4 potatoes
*Milk, grated cheddar cheese, butter
*A handful of parsley
*Salt & Pepper
*Cooking oil
Step 1: Boil the water, peel the potatoes and pop them in. Put the sausages on to fry in first frypan on a very low heat. Boil the kettle.
Step 2: Put the frozen veggies in a microwave safe container. Slice bacon rashers in half. Shred all parsley bar one sprig. Pop gravy mix in mixing jug.
Step 3: Flip sausages. Put oil in second frypan and put bacon on lowest possible heat.
Step 4: Drain potatoes. Add milk, butter, shredded parsley, salt, pepper and a handful of grated cheddar cheese. Mash the hell outta it! Flip bacon
Step 5: Remove sausages, add in duck egg. Remove bacon. Take one dollop of mashed spud and separate from the rest. Put rest of mashed potato in frypan and crank that sucker up!
Step 6: Mix gravy. Nuke veggies. Finish frying egg.
Presentation
Her Dish
Place small dollop of mashed potato on plate with one sliver of bacon artfully placed in a semi-circle against it. Place sausage apart from bacon, add the merest hint of onion gravy to the top. Take frozen vegetables and create an artful semi-circle on far side of plate. Finish off with a delightful sprig of fresh parsley for effect. Perhaps even provide a napkin and some subtle instrumental dining music as she partakes of your offering.
Your Dish
Fry the f*ck out of the mashed spud and dump it on ya plate. Stick the three snags beside it. Chuck the bacon on the spud and the fried egg on the snags. Dump all the gravy on. Stick the veggies in a clump on the side to be eaten so the roughage means you can actually manage to take a shit the next day. Make sure the TV has the subtitles on so you can read the footy scores from the table while you shovel down ya tucker.
And there you go, a new take on a simple dish that will satisfy both you and your good lady. Yes, you will die a lot sooner than her of a heart attack, but you will have enjoyed your life a lot more.
Bon appé-f*ckin-tit!
Got a different take on this classic recipe? Would love to read it in the comments section below!