Note: For those Blog readers who are unaware, Ozformers is the Australian site for Transformer Fans and is actually the longest running such site in the world! I’ve been peddling my entertaining brand of bullshit on there for many’s a year and it was in part the enjoyment I experienced writing on there that made me start my own blog. Every year they have a vote for the Ozformer member of the year (which always ends up being the website owner Griffin) but some fellow site users have been campaigning on my behalf for the last twelve months. The following is me trying to give them value for their humorous perseverance.
OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE
Offices of Big Transformer Trev, candidate for Ozformer Member of the Year
My fellow Ozformer members,
while I have been busy with other matters of state it seems the pro/con Trev debate has heated up in my absence. So let me now as your candidate address the issue that concern you, the public, whom I am here to serve.
*The Current Incumbent: Now Griffin is indeed the owner, administrator and general Grand Poobah of Ozformers. There is not a member here that does not acknowledge this or is not grateful to him for providing this wonderful site for us all to enjoy. But ask yourselves, on top of the myriad of time-consuming responsibilities he already has, is it fair to once again heap the duties associated with being Ozformer Member of the Year on his already overburdened shoulders? I think not. Let the poor fellow get on with what he does best and let someone handle all the public appearances, kissing babies, wining and dining foreign toy dignitaries etc that the winner of the Ozzies is expected to do.
*Why a new representative? Well for a start, if you vote me in you will be getting a celebrity to be the face of Ozformers. Remember, look in the background of any Australian-made, Melbourne-based tv cop show from the late 90’s (Blue Heelers, Halifax FP, Stingers, Good Guys Bad Guys etc) and you will see me milling around in the background as an extra. Star power or what! Frankly if it wasn’t for my well-known hatred of Reality TV I’m sure I’d have been asked to appear on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! by now. And of course most recently I’m known in print, television and social media as the guy who photographed a dead snake.
BTT’s POLICIES
Sensible policies for a happier future
*By the year 2020 no child will be living without Transformer toys
*There will be two Stunticons in every garage
*Full series Box Sets of Rescue Bots to be produced by Madman Entertainment
*Once a year on the solstice all Ozformers will come together on my farm to build a giant straw effigy of Michael Bay, which we will then set alight while we chant and dance naked around it under the moon
Policies from my failed attempt to become PM:
*I will make Hasbro and Takara release ALL Transformer related products in Australia.
*No GST on imported goods! This is a SHAMEFUL policy that both sides of parliament are currently trying to enact! They say it’s so that you will buy locally instead of buying your goods from overseas via the internet, but what if…
-A: You live in a rural area where you cannot purchase the items you require at your local store? Most Aussie companies charge ruinous postal fees to send you an item, you often pay more in postage to get something from Melbourne than from the other side of the globe! Last I checked, my little bush town doesn’t have any of the big chains I can go to and get anything I require.
-B: They don’t make and/or sell the item you want in Australia at all? For those with their eye a Carnifex figure, I don’t think you’ll be buying one at your local K-Mart. There are many products that are sold nowhere in this wide brown land of ours, its not a matter of not wanting to shop locally – we can’t!
ENDORSEMENTS
So the choice is clear my Ozformer Brethren (and Sistren of course). Vote #1 Big Transformer Trev this Ozformer awards. Sure I might be not the most obvious candidate, or the most fragrant, or the most sane if it comes to that. But just listen to these uncoerced endorsements from fellow Ozformer members:
SINNERTWIN
Sensible, Mature, Responsible… These aren’t words that anyone can use to describe Trev, and nobody should. That would be lying, and lying is bad for the soul.
Don’t lie to yourselves. Vote 1. Vote Trev.
BTT 2016.
STARSCREAM77
The following has been authorised and paid for by the BTT416 Campaign:
In Trev We Trust
Not just a throw away line but a creed we as the followers of the great man, BTT, choose to live our life by. If ever we have doubts in life we ask ourselves ‘what would Trev do?’ and the correct answer presents itself.
If we do not do the moral and ethical must that is vote BTT for 2016 then I question the entire fibre of life itself!
Yours faithfully
SS77
JETFIRE_IN_THE_SKY
“Anyone who doesn’t vote for BTT is a cheese eating surrender monkey”
And of course MYTHIRAX whose myriad of fantastic pro-Trev fan art can be viewed HERE!
I look forward to your vote this January.