Permaculture – Building a No-Dig garden

August 10, 2017 Big Angry Trev 2 Comments

Weeding – truly the bane of the gardeners existence! They steal the nutrients from the soil meant for your other plants, they grow prickles to sting you, spread fast and frankly are a pain in the posterior! On my last farm I had a 23m x 7m giant veggie patch and while it went great guns the first few years, I spent the last couple of years managing the weeds more than I grew food for my family.

So here on our new farm I’ve decided we are going to be weed free and to that end I am installing no-dig gardens. I’ve started with two plots for plants I am transplanting from my old farm that need to get in before spring – Asparagus and Comfrey. The whole idea of a no-dig garden is exactly how it sounds – no digging! No digging plots in the soil to plant in and no digging endless weeds out over the years.

Though time consuming, no-dig gardens are simple to create and they save a lot more time in the long run as well as providing a nutrient rich patch ready for planting. I have outlined the step-by-step process I went through below.

Note: This process goes through at minimum 5 layers. I like to do one layer a day. This means I can give each particular layer a good soaking which results in the new garden getting a good soaking 5 days straight. This aids immensely in it breaking down quicker.

Step 1: Choose your site. You can really build a no-dig garden anywhere (even on grass or concrete) but I chose a spot that was dirt and fairly bereft of weeds to begin with. Then your plants have the option of burrowing further if needed down the line.

*And thus we start with an almost barren wasteland*

Step 2: Cardboard and barriers.

*And this is why I hoard cardboard after a move*

A lot of people use newspaper but I prefer un-dyed cardboard. Firstly it is much thicker which means it is much harder for weeds to grow through from below, secondly it will take longer to disintegrate and thirdly there are less dyes and inks to seep into the ground. Lay your cardboard down in the shape you want your garden to be and then use logs or bricks to make some walls around it. Soak the cardboard.

Step 3: Put down a fairly thick layer of straw. Lucerne is best and pea straw isn’t bad. Personally I have acres of stubble so I just mowed a ton of that and stuck it in. Wet it down.

Step 4: Put in a layer of fertilizer.

*Until I can source some local animal bums I have to go back to store-bought*

Chicken manure is certainly the best as it has all the nutrients a new garden will need. I like to mix it up a bit with some cow manure as well. Put down a nice thick layer and once again water.

*Make sure you end up covering all of the straw by the end*

Step 5: A second layer of straw – this time a minimum of 20cm thick, 30 if you have the resources. Wet the straw down.

Step 6: Another layer of fertilizer.

At my last farm I had a never-ending supply of fresh animal dung but here I am having to buy it (until my goats and poultry drop enough for my gardening needs) so I went a cheaper route and mixed it with a bunch of potting mix specifically intended for raised garden beds. Once again water.

Step 7: Let all this break down. The longer the better. Personally I only had a week to let mine do so before my asparagus started coming back to life and needed to get into the ground. But even in that short period you will see the height of your no-dig garden lower as the straw starts to decompose and it will be ready for your plants.

And that’s it! If you would like to add more layers feel free – the more the merrier! Personally I will be adding some more potting mix around my plants when I put them in and then some straw around that to act as a mulch which will result in 7 layers all up. But to start off, simply follow the above instructions and you will have some nice new patches ready for planting. Once again, you can build anywhere you like and the best part is you don’t have to lift a shovel or pull your hair out over weeds down the line – happy gardening!

Got any other tips about no-dig gardens? Would love to read them in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: “What’s Big Angry Trev’s weight loss secrets?”

August 4, 2017 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

This question comes from Anonymous in Aberdeen:

‘Hey Big Angry Trev, I see all over the internet you showing off how you’ve been losing all this weight! Well how about ya share the secret how with the rest of us eh? Or is it all bullshit and you’ve had a bunch of airbrushed photos done like all the other celebrities – thought you were better than that man’

Well, this reads more of an accusation than a question but I guess what this person is asking is ‘How have I been losing weight?’ It’s true, I’ve been losing nearly a kilo a day recently. I didn’t even realize until my pants felt loose that I was dropping such weight and now it’s quite evident as you can see from this unaltered picture:

*If you say this picture doesn’t turn you on then you are a damn liar!*

So how have I been doing it? Well, no real secret formula that any doctor wouldn’t recommend anyway. It’s just been a change in lifestyle. Since moving a few weeks ago I have:

Cut out alcohol and energy drinks
Eaten more often
Eaten smaller portions

That’s pretty much it! But let’s take you through what I am eating in an average day:

7.30am

*Coffee – no diet should exclude coffee – EVER!*

Cup of coffee with milk and 2 sugars

8.30am

Two slices of toast with vegemite and a glass of orange juice

12.00pm

Sandwich: 2 slices of cheese, 3 slices of ham and a healthy dollop of Dijon mustard – all on light rye bread and with a pint of water.

3.00pm

A banana, a few crackers or cruskits and a can of sugar-free coke

6.00pm

NOT what you should eat, but what you certainly want to **(recipe HERE)**

Here I can’t provide a regular photo of what I have as what I have changes nightly. What I can say is what has changed is not so much what I eat but what’s it’s made of and the portion sizes. And that is because lately my wife has been doing the majority of the cooking. Why does that make a difference? Well, let’s compare what we put in both our mashed potato recipes:

Her:

3 Medium Potatoes
Skim Milk
Margarine

Me:

4 Large Potatoes
Full Cream Milk
Cheddar Cheese
Butter
Salt & Pepper
Gravy on top

So with her cooking it’s proved a lot healthier (and she has the skill of making healthy food delicious which is something I had never thought to master) and because the portions are smaller it means I am eating a lot less, since I also used to eat the leftovers on my kids plates as well.

9.00pm

Cup of soup

So as you can see, I’m not exactly starving myself. Also I’m not eating super-mega healthy either. But what I am doing is eating throughout the day which keeps my metabolism going, rather than just eating a huge lunch and dinner and nothing else. Also I’m only having a beer on a Friday night instead of 3 or 4 every night and no energy drinks whatsoever. Combine this with the smaller portion sizes and I’ve been shedding kilos like a mangy wombat does lice!

Oh, and exercise? Well, yeah, ya gotta move your arse to shrink it. But as a hobby farmer and father of two I never sat still long anyway so I don’t think that has contributed much to my weight loss. At most it may be that since I haven’t been smoking the last few weeks, I’m not sitting down for 5 minutes an hour to light one up so I’m doing 1/12^th more activity per day than before.

So yeah, go lose some weight! It’s really not hard. And if you can’t seem to manage it there are always other options. If you are a guy just grow a huge beard to balance it out and give you that husky lumberjack look. If you are a gal, just have the fat liposuctioned out from where you don’t want it and then stuck into your breasts where everyone will want it – both easy fixes! Good luck y’all!

Got some weight-loss tips of your own? Would love to read them in the comments section below!

Meaty Goodness!

Meat Recipe #8 – Roast Lamb with Seasoned Vegetables

August 4, 2017 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

Who doesn’t love a big roast eh? Well, vegetarians I guess, and people with eating disorders, those in a coma etc… well, lots of people. But lots more people love a roast, especially in winter!

So here is a simple recipe for Roast Lamb with Vegetables that is certain to fill your tum. All the ingredients will be seasoned in various themes of yummy goodness but I’ve even made that easy too. Just follow the below instructions below and eat hearty!

Ingredients:

1.5kg roasting lamb
4 medium potatoes
1 medium onion
1 large carrot
Frozen peas
Olive oil
Salt & Pepper
Minced garlic
Rosemary
Mild Paprika
Honey
Balsamic Vinegar

Preparation:

Peel & quarter the potatoes and the onion
Peel the large carrot and cut into sticks
Take a mixing bowl and fill the bottom with a mixture of olive oil, salt and pepper
Put the oven on to preheat to 180 degrees

Seasoning:

One by one take each of the ingredients (the lamb, potatoes, carrots & onion) and roll them around in the mixture of oil, salt and pepper. Sit each to one side.
Mix up some minced garlic and rosemary and rub generously all over the lamb.
Roll potatoes in mild paprika
Roll carrots in honey and place in fridge
Pour balsamic vinegar in a small bowl and put onions in to soak. Place in fridge.

Method:

Place lamb in roasting tray that allows circulation of heat all around the lamb. Set timer for 90 minutes.
At the 45 minute mark put the potatoes on an oven tray and place in oven
At the 60 minute mark put the carrots on a separate tray and place in oven (otherwise all the honey that slides off will contaminate your potatoes and obscure the paprika seasoning)
At the 70 minute mark place the onion in next to the potatoes.
At the 80 minute mark put some peas on to boil

Serving

Cut the lamb into nice slices or chunks (depending on your culinary audience) using an electric knife and place on plate.
Divvy up the vegetables, providing some butter
You can provide gravy if you like, though with all the seasoning it shouldn’t be necessary
Enjoy!

And there ya go. A roast recipe to warm the cockles of you and your families gullets this winter. Happy eating!

Got your own roast lamb recipe? Would love to read it in the comments section below!

Transformatorium

Titans Return Trypticon – the simple hip fix!

July 28, 2017 Big Angry Trev 6 Comments

Trypticon – the big bad! The latest Titan Figure for the Titans Return line and the biggest Decepticon toy ever created!

However this titan has a titanic problem – his hips!

Though they are cropping up far less (still occasionally however) in later waves, the first batch of this toy came with some major issues that were in turn causing major damage to a pretty expensive toy. These problems were:

1: The springs in the hips were far too strong and causing damage to the workings inside.

2: The teeth on the ratchet system for the hips were too big and would more often than not lock together instead of sliding over one another.

There have been quite a few fixes to these problems crop up on various Transformer sites and youtube. These have ranged from cutting the springs in half to address the strength issue to filing down the teeth of the ratchet. Some people have even removed the spring and half the ratchet altogether and replaced them with cardboard disks in order to turn the hips into a swivel system.

Well I am here to give you what I believe is the easiest answer to the spring and ratchet problems and guess what? No cutting, filing or permanent removal of parts is necessary! Follow the below instructions and your Trypticon will be ready to start smashing bots instead of his own hips in no time!

Before I start I would like to thank Grant in Blacktown and Michael in Melbourne for this. Grant was the one who came across the method of fixing the spring and Michael created the solution to the ratchet teeth issue. Well done guys – you both rock!

Tools:

1 Screwdriver

1 Pair of Scissors

1 Marker Packet

1 Black Marker

Method:

Step 1: Remove Trypticon from his box. Note that his legs come unattached. Do not attach them yet. Even if you believe your Trypticon may be one of the ones sans the spring/ratchet issues I recommend being safe rather than sorry. Use scissors to cut the ties and take out the legs.

Step 2: Take your screwdriver and remove the two screws from the teal bracket. Loosen the 3^rd screw on top and remove the bracket completely.

Step 3: Remove the two screws from the black ratchet cover. Be ready because the ratchet is underneath and the pressure from the overpowered spring will launch it sky high if you let it. Have a finger ready to suppress its firing.

Step 4: Remove the two parts of the ratchet and the spring. Now do the same for the second leg. You should end up with a bunch of parts looking like this:

Step 5: Now to solving the problem. First the spring. No need to cut it, all you need to do is squeeze it. 10 minutes of compressing and relaxing the spring in your hand will take a bunch of the tension out of it. Do one spring for 10 minutes and then see if it feels weaker than the spring you haven’t touched yet. If so then you have done it right. Personally I find watching an episode of Rick & Morty to be a good timer. Half way through the episode change to the second spring. Yes your fingers will get a tad tired (if you are a hardcore Transfan you have probably spent a hefty period of your life doing repetitive hand movements anyway) but persevere. Once done replace the springs.

Step 6: Take your marker and draw an outline of the smaller ratchet piece on the plastic. Then cut it out with your scissors. Repeat. This should leave you with two thin, malleable plastic dics.

Step 7: Take one plastic disk and put it on the smaller ratchet piece. Then place the larger one on top. The teeth of the ratchet will mush it into place where it will provide that bit less friction for the ratchets future operation. Repeat with the second ratchet.

Step 8: Place the ratchet back on top of the spring and push down into place. Put the ratchet cover over the ratchet and tighten the screws. Reassemble the teal piece over the top making sure that the side with the 3^rd screw hole is facing towards the back of Trypticon’s legs – it does make a difference when attaching to the main body.

Step 9: Attach the legs to the side of the body. Rotate head and arms and stand up.

Step 10:

Go play with your awesome new toy without fear of it breaking itself!

And that’s it! As stated – no cutting, filing or permanent removal of parts necessary. Once again, many thanks to Grant and Michael. I got my Trypticon the day he came out in Australia which almost garunteed he was one of the faulty batch and thusly I had been afraid to open him. Now I can have some worry-free, titan-sized fun, as can you!

Got any other tips on how to fix a faulty Trypticon? Write them in the comments section below!

Related Articles:

Toy Review – LG43 Trypticon vs Titans Return Trypticon

Video: Comparison of LG43 Trypticon and Titans Return Trypticon

Hobby Farming, Tales of the Trev

A letter of thanks to my former farm

July 22, 2017 Big Angry Trev 1 Comment

My dear former farm,

Though I have left you, I want to thank you for all you did for me over the past 6 years.

You taught me many things about caring for the land. How to put back more than I took out. The art of growing a tree in the right kind of dirt, the ways of composting and mulching to improve and protect the soil. The planting of windbreaks, of nut trees, of fruit and vegetables for my family.

The necessity of you made me do something that my family had tried in vain to get me to do when I was a younger man – learn to properly use tools. When you need to constantly build fences and animal enclosures, pirate ships and cubby houses, scarecrows and fire pits it forces you to finally learn how to use drills and circular saws and everything in between. As for farm equipment, everything from the use of a humble shovel to mastering the subtleties of tractor usage became a daily activity.

You provided me the true experience of food. Just how incredible so many things taste when they are straight out of your garden and grown by your own hand, rather than having been grown on another continent and then shipped thousands of miles, put in cold storage, handled by dozens of people etc etc. I never knew just how intense simple things like watermelon or mandarins could taste when it’s so fresh and been grown right!

You brought back to me the pride of properly caring for livestock. To see the ducks growing, the chooks laying and the goats frolicking in their field in their thick winter coats – all given plenty of food, water, space and shelter to keep them at the peak of happiness and health!

You reminded me of simple pleasures that I had forgotten from living in the big city for so long. Things like there is a night sky absolutely full of stars, the joy of swimming in a dam on a hot day or climbing a tall gum tree, the relaxed freedom of rambling around a paddock in a clapped-out ute.

You were the first farm that was truly mine. When standing upon your ground everything felt right, I felt truly at home. I felt a connection to the land that fellow farmers and country folk can relate to but rarely speak of, something almost spiritual. Something sadly that your average gardener of city-dweller can never truly understand. Just like someone cannot truly grasp the feeling of parenthood until they become one, nobody cannot truly grasp what it feels like to stand on the ground of your own farm, feeling the earth beneath your boots and surveying how you have shaped and changed and molded the land around you for the better.

Thank you for everything you taught me and gave me. And most importantly thank you for giving my two children a safe place to spend their first few years of life – no matter how far away we may go there will always be some Mallee dust in their veins.

It broke my heart to leave you, but I know we leave each other better than we found one another and I never forget the life lessons you taught me. You will always have my thanks and my love.

Transformatorium

Moving your Transformers Collection – Part 2: The actual Move

June 28, 2017 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

In Part 1 of Moving your Transformers Collection we looked at packing your Transformer collection safely in order to get it ready to move to its new home. In part two we are going to look at the moving itself. What method you use will depend on whether you are moving yourself or having movers do it for you.

If Hiring Movers

*The sign may be battered, but at least your toys wont be.*

Ensure you mark all pertinent boxes with FRAGILE. Even in plastic crates if something of sufficient weight is put on top the lid can break. Don’t think that most 30 year old G1 toys can take the strain of the weight of a couch sitting on them – not even Brawn. Also have marked on the outside of the box which particular Transformers are in there in order for easier sorting when they reach their destination.
Make sure all the boxes are taped up at the top to prevent lids coming off or cardboard boxes opening when being lugged by removalists.
Word up your removalists about your collection. Most movers are younger blokes so are well aware what Transformers are. I worded up mine when moving from Melbourne to Swan Hill and unbidden they did a visual sweep of the truck before leaving after unpacking. Because of this I ended up not losing one of my Leader-Class Movie Brawl’s shoulder cannons that had managed to fall out of a crate. I was very grateful for this unasked for courtesy.

If Moving Yourself

*Where is Motormaster when you need him?*

This is where I am for the current move. Moving a thousand kilometers with a whole hobby farm to pack up on top of my 3000+ TF item collection means we are using a 40 foot shipping container which we pack ourselves. As such you need to know how to stack your TF boxes. I use the following method:
Furniture and heavy boxes (such as full of books) make up the bottom half of the layers
Strong Transformer Crates (such as plastic ones) make up the first upper layer
Weaker Transformer boxes (such as cardboard ones) make up the second upper layer
Light items that cannot damage anything underneath make up the top layer
Make sure all Transformer crates and boxes are secure. Your ratchet straps will be more useful affixing large pieces of furniture to the wall so this can be achieved by simply wedging the boxes tight enough against each other that movement is all but impossible but at the same time they are not crushing each other.
When unpacking at the other end, do several visual sweeps of the truck or shipping container to see if any items have fallen out.

Keep a Record of your Collection

*Don’t wanna lose any of these little suckers*

If you have a large enough collection, you might not notice until it’s too late that somehow a rare and tiny Arms Micron or Decepticon Cassette got left behind. To try and remedy this do a thorough check at both ends that all your pieces are present and correct. However if even this is too time consuming at least have a complete list of your action figures so that you can make an insurance claim. I do this in two ways:

1: A typed list. How you do this is up to you. I’d recommend an Excel Spreadsheet, though I personally just have a bloated Microsoft Word file, since when I started my cataloging many, many figures years and years ago I didn’t know how to use that program and it’s a bit late in the game to swap over.
2: An online visual record. Having a typed list is all well and good, but what happens if your computer goes missing during the move, or the whole truck crashes and burns? How will you make an insurance claim then? By having a visual record kept online somewhere, it not only helps to remind you what is in your collection, but prove to an insurance company what you had should anything go wrong. I use Photobucket and also have extensive albums on Facebook for this purpose.

By following the advice given in part one regarding sorting and packing along with the advice imparted above regarding the actual move, you stand a damn good chance of getting all your Autobuddies and Deceptipals to their destination without a single bot getting lost or damaged. It may never be a stress-free experience (moving never is) but at least you won’t lie awake at night wondering if Springer’s Sword is lying on a roadside somewhere. Good luck!

Got any extra advice to add to that above? Would love to read it in the comments section below!

Meaty Goodness!

Burger Review #6: The E-I-E-I-O Burger

June 27, 2017 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

I am a total fan of combining meats. Despite my rather disastrous ’14 meats stew’ I tried to make a decade ago, I persevere with trying different combos to see what fleshes of what animals will complement each other on the palette.

Given this carnivorous mindset, I was therefore very happy in my wanderings to come across the E-I-E-I-O Burger.

That’s right – deep-fried chicken, double beef patties, double bacon and triple cheese! These people don’t muck about! Old McDonald’s farm must be looking pretty sparse after they made a few of these babies! The ingredients were all done to perfection: the deep-fried chicken was not oily like it had just come out of a KFC or something, the patties were big and juicy and definitely home made in the good way, the bacon was plentiful, the onions was grilled excellently, the lettuce was thankfully negligible and the tomato was, due to special request, non-existent.

I was very pleased that they remembered to leave the tomato off as so many places either refuse, or otherwise forget, to make any alterations one asks for (I’m looking at you BAB Burger makers). I’m not sure what the special sauce was except that it certainly shat all over whatever it is they use for a Big Mac. It had a slightly smoky flavour with just the right amount of bite and it was that plentiful that I found myself having to use a napkin on both my hands and mouth after each bite. Some may see that as a negative – I see it as a sign of a chef who isn’t stingy!

You magnificent Frankenstien’s Monster of a burger you!

What can I say – to quote Mr Jackson This was a damn tasty burger! I mean it was REALLY friggin good! Unfortunately I didn’t have time to savor it properly as we were running late for Transformers 5 so had to gobble it. Given its size (much bigger than it appears in the above photo) this still took me 5 minutes of solid mastication. At $18 and considering it does not come with any sides whatsoever its not the cheapest burger but it’s that good I would happily lay out the cash again. If you find yourself in Greensborough Plaza in Melbourne then stop by Flame 400 near the cinema and gorge your tastebuds on a burger that has cow, chook and pig all under the same bun – you deserve it!

Eaten this burger before or have another one you think worthy of mention? Would love to hear about it in the comments section below!

OTHER BURGER REVIEWS:

The BAB Burger

Pulled BBQ Wagyu Burger

Cheeseword Cheeseburger

Tradie Burger & Truckie Burger

The TNT Burger

Random Reviews, Transformatorium

Movie Review – Transformers: The Last Knight

June 21, 2017 Big Angry Trev 1 Comment

Here we are – the fifth installment of the live-action Transformers movie franchise.

These movies have caused a lot of debate over the years. Many of the critics and your more traditional Transformer fans have hated them – citing such things as poor plots, juvenile jokes and lack of characterization. However the general public has loved them – all four previous movies still remaining in the top 100 highest grossing movies of all time.

So will Transformers: The Last Knight fare any better than the previous four with the die-hards? Let’s find out!

Oh, and SPOILER ALERT! This is a movie review – so if you haven’t seen the flick yet and don’t want to know what happens, read no further (but please do come back after watching I implore you).

This movie picks up not long after the events of Transformers 4, and unlike that movie brings back a lot of what happened in Transformers 3 as well. The Transformers are still all hated and hunted by the human governments, yet they keep arriving. Most of the Autobots are living in a junkyard which they periodically leave as they try to find more of their lost brethren with the help of Cade. Megatron (Galvatron being just a phase he was going through) is enacting plans with the help of his henchman Barricade and Optimus Prime is off in space trying to find the creators of his race so he can put the smack down. Oh, and the new plot has flashbacks of Merlin dealing with a bunch of Cybertronian knights that can combine into a 3-headed space dragon – now there is a twist that not a lot of movies can boast eh!

The first half of this movie advances these plot lines. Megatron does a hostage swap of some humans in order to get some of his captured crew back from the military. Cade and the Autobots hiding out unwillingly adopt a 14 year old orphan girl and Optimus lands on Cybertron to meet Quintessa, his creator. Soon conflict (and Bayesque explosions) come into play. Megatron (tracked by the military) finds the Autobots and has a scrap, most of his henchmen we had only just met being killed in the process. Quintessa brainwashes Optimus into becoming Nemesis Prime and sets the broken planet of Cybertron (which got royally f’ed up at the end of TF3 by a spacebridge explosion) on a course to Earth to siphon its energy to make the metallic husk pull itself back together. We also get introduced to two new plot lines: The first is that Anthony Hopkins rocks and has a bunch of old Autobots at his disposal (including a quite psychotic character named Cogman) and is trying to figure out the whole Merlin angle. The second is that, like the TFPrime cartoon, Earth actually is Unicron and he is extending his horns out through various parts of the planet!

Phew – that’s a lot going on eh?

To prevent this they…..

…you know what, bugger it – if I list the 8 millions plot twists this review is going to become a novel! Chances are if you are reading this you have seen the movie and know what happens! So how about I save us all a bit of time and go on a few pro’s and cons eh?

PRO’S

*Lots of explosions

*Tons of action

*Nice boobs for the boys, nice ab’s for the girls

*Anthony Hopkins was awesome

*Cogman was funny

*A good variety of different robots

*Great fight scenes

*Expanded the movie lore

*Genuinely funny moments

*At least some characterization of Decepticons

*The action was not too close up and frenzied so you could actually tell what was going on most of the time

*Cullen and Welker reprised their roles as Optimus and Megatron respectively

*A Transformer clock killed Hitler

*Autobots, Decepticons, Quintessons, Combiners, Cybertron and Unicron!

CON’S (no, not those Cons)

*Bumblebee coming apart and coming back together contradicted a lot of TF deaths from the previous movies

*So many Transformers didn’t actually transform! Grimlock, ~~Slag~~ Slug, the baby Dino’s, Cogman, Wheelie, Sqweeks, whoever the female submarine was etc. It was like reading an IDW comic!

*A lot of the Transformers that did transform never did it on screen, such as Optimus himself.

*Contradictions in plot

*Too much human focus

*Hot Rod is french?!

So overall, is this movie worth watching? Well I’d have to say yes. All the people that complain about the Transformer movies would do well to remember that these flicks are based on a cartoon from the 80’s about shape-changing alien robots fighting a civil war. It’s not supposed to move you and make you cry – it’s supposed to entertain you! In that regard Transformers: The Last Knight certainly delivers the goods! It (like all the others) is a long movie but I can’t say there was any point where I was bored and frankly I found the whole movie quite fun! It’s not a movie you are supposed to take too seriously and I think some of the critics and die-hard fans need to remember that sometimes. Overall I’d say that this was not as good as TF1, about on par or slightly better than 3 & 4 and much better than 2. I had a great time watching it with a half dozen mates and I can’t wait to see what happens with the Unicron angle in number 6!

This movie gets 4 out of 5 energon cubes.

Got something to say about the movie? Would love to read it in the comments section below!

Random Rants

The Subterranean Nymphomaniac Jessica’s of Murrawee

June 16, 2017 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

Living on a farmlet in the middle of nowhere, one relies heavily on the internet to keep tabs on what is happening in the outside world. Only one problem with that, as you gaze into the outside world…

…it gazes right back.

*Who is she? And how does she know where I am? And why doesn’t her singlet fit properly?*

Apparently I have become the focus of quite a few women in the area. Quite a few, ahem, very forward women. Women who seem to have some serious cravings that they think only I can take care of.

*Subtlety is NOT these women’s strong point*

It seems every time I log onto a Transformers site, a movie reviews board or read some comics online these messages magically appear, like these ladies somehow knew I was going to be checking out the latest TF5 news and were lurking on the site waiting for me to put in a showing.

Now this is very flattering and all. I just have one major issue. Apparently all these women live within a few miles of me. Now if I lived in somewhere like Melbourne this may be plausible, but let’s have a look at the view from my veranda:

I can see a few miles in every direction. Where are all these women? And something else is disturbing too:

Why do they all have the same name? There can only be one answer.

Obviously there must be a subterranean bunker somewhere. A giant underground facility that people retreated to during the cold war in case of nuclear attack. Whilst down there these people have bred and produced nothing but girls and quickly exhausted their (seemingly very limited) imagination regarding names. Now these women have grown and require male seed in order to produce the next generation of rural cave dwellers.

I must admit this all has me worried. I’m afraid to go outside in case I get mobbed by a bunch of topless nympho’s (oh where was that problem for 17 year old Trev – he would have been more than happy to deal with it). I’m worried everything I do online is being watched so these vixens can ferret out my weaknesses and eventually take possession of my sublime physique for their sordid needs.

I guess I should just click “no” every time one of these Jessica’s asks ‘Do I want to f*ck them’ but I’m always worried I’ll get back a hurt message saying ‘why not?’ and then end up having to console some naked woman online for the next half hour.

So to Rachel, Katy, Jen, Julia, Jessica, Jessica, Jessica, Jessica and of course Jessica – I say to you this: I am flattered, truly I am. But I am a happily married man with two children. I have no need or desire for an underground harem or to create more offspring. Might I suggest online dating sites? Or maybe just get out in the fresh air more and perhaps migrate to an area that has a greater abundance of men for you. I wish you all well…

… and please, let me look at my Transformer sites in peace!

Been stalked online by sex-crazed mole-women too? Let us know in the comments section below!

Transformer Toy Reviews

Toy Review – MP-11ND Dirge

June 15, 2017 Big Angry Trev Leave a comment

Dirge, oh Dirge. Nobody loves you but me.

Dirge was my very first ever Transformer figure over 30 years ago and as such he holds a special place in my heart. For others not so much, arguably the least popular Conehead. He only ever used his special power of fear-inducement once (as far as I can remember) to freak out Silverbolt in a Marvel Comic and he even committed suicide when getting eaten by The Swarm in the G2 Comics. In IDW he has done a bit better for himself, even becoming a central character to a plot line that extended for some time. But whether you like Dirge or not, here he is – perhaps the last outing for the Masterpiece Seeker mold. He comes with a very hefty price tag – let’s see if he is worth it.

Robot Mode

Despite being pretty much the same figure, for some reason Dirge strikes me as less stocky than say MP Thrust (for a review see HERE). The colours are quite good though I would have preferred to see a pure black like the toy rather than dark grey like the cartoon. He has the guns that most of the Seekers shared in the cartoon but these can be covered by bigger guns to resemble the machine guns that the toy had. These have been retooled from MP Ramjets rockets so are slightly different but overall look too big and bulky (which they need to be cover the null rays) and resemble missiles rather than machine guns. Dirge is as poseable as any of the other MP seekers but there have been no real improvements. At least the missile racks built into his chest make sense as opposed to the likes of some other Seekers since he actually did deploy missiles from there in at least one episode of the cartoon (The Girl who loved Powerglide).

*‘I have a dozen metal nipples – punk girls friggin love me!’*

Vehicle Mode

A faithful representation of the character from both the G1 cartoon and the toy. Dirge has the Decepticon emblem on his nosecone that the toy had but the ones on his wings are smaller than both the original toy and its cartoon depiction. The guns can be repositioned under the wings but again they really needed to be smaller. You can put (yet another) holographic pilot in the cockpit but I really would have preferred to see Shawn Berger, since he appeared in two episodes and did go for a ride in Dirge at one point. Given the huge price point and the fact we are getting a range of different humans in the Autobot line, I think a little Berger figure was warranted (but then maybe not – really rich guys using their power and fame to gain high political office seems to be a bit of a sore point these days).

*F-15 Delta-Wing variant. Never actually existed and if it had, guessing it wouldn’t have been this colour*

Overall

*‘I’m also moody and depressive – so I get all the emo chicks as well’*

This is the most expensive MP Seeker figure to date that wasn’t a variant of one that has already been done. That combined with the fact that Dirge was not hugely popular means that this will be a miss for a lot of folk. But if you are a MP or Seeker completionist or otherwise, like me, are one of the few Dirge fans out there then this is a nice way to end the Masterpiece Seeker line and will complete your collection nicely.

Got something you want to say about this figure? Would love to read it in the comments section below!

Big Angry Trev!