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Ask Trev: Grumpy Silkies Problem

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Today we have another chicken question from Maddy in Melbourne:

 

Dear Trev,

Me again, with more chicken nonsense.

Thank you for the very informative and detailed blog post about goats.

Your initial FB post about capturing goats was never enough of the story for me and I feel quite pleased to now have the full account.

I wish you good fortune on your future goat capturing endeavours.

So anyway as you may know I have overcome the little city kid heartbreak of losing ‘livestock’* (*pets) and have decided that contrary to what a teenage boyfriend once declared to me  (I wish I had never fallen in love with you so I didn’t have to feel this heartbreak at having lost you) I can in fact go on to love again. I’ve recently acquired two new hens and did a great deal of research on breeds and temperaments and so on and so forth.

My last girl standing from my last flock is a wee little thing and has become quite dependent on me in her dotage.

Cut to the chase she has two new pals who are little silkies. They’re much younger than my last posse of backyard hens and seem to actually despise me. They’ve only known a small cage prior to coming to Casa Del Madsy but seem entirely perturbed about that whereas my last girls felt this palatial new digs was simply glorious.

Everything I read about silkies is that they’re lovely friendly hens who will tolerate children and sit on your lap and follow you about.

They have blue ears and extra toes and I’ve ruled out the idea I may have accidentally bought bunny rabbits so why do they hate me?

Will they ever come round?

They grumble at me like old men who’ve been woken from a nap in their favourite chair and the greyish one even pecks me when I put treats in their little run. I have them separated from Ponny still but she seems to be happier just knowing they’re there.

So anyway that’s my question: why do my silkies hate me and will they eventually warm to me?

Is there any more I can do to convince them I’m very nice to animals,

Thanking you in advance,

Subruban Madsy.

 

Thanks for all the chicken questions Maddy, keep’em coming!

 

In regards to why your chickens hate you – they don’t hate you.  They hate humans.

‘What are you staring at you damn dirty hairless apes?’

Think about it, they have been locked in a small cage their entire lives.  Pretty horrible way to spend your existence.  And who put them there?  Were they locked in by other chickens for crimes against poultrykind?  Did they voluntarily lock themselves in the cage due to some kind of chicken-agoraphobia, fearing the idea of the outside world?  Were they involved in some kind of bizarre sado-masochistic erotic chook game (involving feathers no doubt) and simply lost the key to their private sex dungeon?

Nope.  Humans locked them in there.  Filthy stinkin’ humans.

So despite them being usually a very friendly breed, these chookies are probably a bit traumatized. It’s going to take a while for them to adjust and even longer to trust.  It’s not like when Apartheid ended that every black person in South Africa suddenly started trusting white people.  Nope, it’s a long road that that country is still bravely travelling along towards a brighter future.  And so it may be with your new chooks.

 

My advice?

 

Spend as much time as you can as possible in your yard with them, but without interacting.  Take a chair and a book and just sit near their enclosure.  This way they will slowly get used to your presence without feeling threatened or that they are about to be shoved back in a tiny cage at any moment.  We have many wombats on our farm and there is a big old bugger at the moment who has taken to feasting in our front and backyards.  At first every time he saw us he bolted.  Now he couldn’t give a crap if we are there or not as we have never bothered him.  In fact just last night he wandered to within a few meters of our dog, who was lying there idly watching him chew.  We don’t bother him and in return we get a free organic lawnmower!

After the Silkies have gotten used to your presence and seem relatively unfazed by you being around as it has become part of the norm of their lives, then you can try interacting a bit.  Chickens are like children – wary of adults until that adult busts out their favourite treats.  Experiment with a few different things to see what your Silkies like best.  Our ducklings are somewhat wary of us, until we come out with sliced watermelon and then we are likely to trampled in a stampede of webbed feet!  There will be something that your Silkies can’t resist, be it a type of grain, fruit, worms or snails or even just breadcrumbs.  When you find out what that special something is, throw a little of it to them from a distance each day, and each day shrink that distance by a few inches.  In no time at all you will have them pecking around your feet without a care in the world.

Will your chookies ever warm to you to the point they want to sit in your lap?  Hard to say.  If they are young enough they may learn new behavioural patterns but if the distrust of humans is ingrained in them it may be the best you can hope for is them clucking around your feet as you potter in the backyard.  Our Frizzle rooster likes us well enough that sometimes he even sneaks in the porch door, but he never wants to be picked up (unless he’s gotten into a fight with the drake that is, then he will sit in my lap sulkily for an hour while I console him on his loss and tend to his boo-boos).  So don’t take it too much to heart if they never become lap-chooks, though with how fluffy Silkies are I know ya just wanna cuddle’em.

Like a poodle mated with a marshmallow

 

I hope this advice helps Madds.  Remember:

A: Get them used to your presence

B: Find out their favourite treat

C: Slowly lure them a bit closer to you each day until they are comfortable

D: Do not mention Apartheid or eat KFC in their presence and…

E: Remember chickens are like people – sometimes you encounter some grumpy, unsociable bastards where it doesn’t matter what you do.

‘What? I’m funny to you? I make you laugh? Come closer and lets see how much you smile then’

Good luck!  Let us know how things work out in the coming weeks.

Got any other advice for Maddy?  Pop it in the comments section below!

 

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Ask Trev!, Hobby Farming

Ask Trev – Chickens: the balance between pet and livestock

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Dear Big Trev,

No vets in Melbourne know anything about hens. Except for one who is two hours away and deals with prize winning pedigrees and expects you will want to spend lots of money doing anything you can to save a crook chook.

The online forums offer some basic advice but it’s so difficult to know what’s wrong with a sad hen.

There seems to be a fairly common theme of ‘cull her’ amongst the more rural hen keepers.

I don’t want to spend a mint taking a vet to the other side of the city for the best bird care in Melbourne but I’m not a ‘better just let her slowly die while I stand about not caring’ kind of chook owner.

So my question is : how do I find the happy medium between livestock and pets when it comes to my backyard hens?

Thanks, Maddy.

 

Well Maddy first off let me say how sorry I am to hear that you’ve been having trouble with the health of your dear Chookies.  I know the extent you go to provide them with excellent shelters, fresh food and medicine so I can confidently say it’s certainly not a lack of effort and caring on your part that this seems to be happening.

A great little pen for a suburban backyard

As you’ve pointed out, in big cities vets hardly work with poultry so don’t know how to deal with them.  Whilst a growing number of people keep a few hens in their backyard, in capital cities it’s primarily cats and dogs the vets deal with and that’s what they train in.  In the country vets tend to know a bit more about chickens, but as you also point out, there tends to be a ‘cull them’ mentality.  Chickens in the country are not birds people generally make emotional attachments to, and given they are not very expensive to replace most farmers will simply kill a crook chook and get rid of it before it has a chance to infect any other of the flock.

So if country vets are out and city vets are out, what does that leave us with?  The specialist vets like the one you have mentioned which is a two-hour drive away.  And indeed yes they deal with the ‘speciality breeds’ that people have mainly for shows.  I was amazed when attending a poultry auction in Bathurst a few months ago how much 3 small Silkies went for – more than I think I’ve spent on my entire flock combined!  In these cases vets feel free to charge a mint as there is a significant financial loss to the owner if they lose a bird.  What help is this to the backyard chook enthusiast? None.

Online forums can be tricky.  I mean, how do you know if the person who wrote what you are reading has any real idea what they are talking about?  Most loonies and know-it-alls end up on the net these days and will happily preach about that which they know little.

 

So back to your main question: how do I find the happy medium between livestock and pets when it comes to my backyard hens?

Ya can’t help but get at least a bit attached to such lovely creatures

It’s really finding the balance that works well for you.  You obviously have great affection for your chookies but not the same kind of love you would have for say a cat or dog.  I relate completely.  And anyone who thinks people don’t get attached to birds at all should have seen how upset my 5-year old son was when a wedge-tailed eagle nearly killed our Frizzle Rooster, poor little bloke was in tears and insisted on sitting with me in the pen while I tended to the rooster and, thankfully, was able to fix it up.  But if we had lost the Rooster, it would not be the same as losing our beloved Burmese Cat or Shetland Sheepdog.

If I may make a recommendation, I would stick with the most common and generic breeds of chicken.  They are usually not expensive, and it also means there is a wealth of information out there regarding any issues that may arise with them.  Also look for hardy breeds, in a big city like Melbourne chickens have to deal with a lot more noise and air pollution than they do in a rural setting and can be subject to greater amounts of stress than they would pecking around on a farm. Don’t go for the biggest chooks, they wont do well in a small yard.  Don’t go for the most prolific layers unless you want to treat them completely as livestock, as they tend to have shorter lifespans.  Don’t go for the fancy breeds unless you want to treat them completely as pets, they tend to be fragile and require a high level of maintenance.  For a happy medium between pet and livestock – common and hardy – that’s the ticket!  This will also stop you suffering too much of a financial loss if a chicken is lost.

By getting breeds that fit these two categories, it will mean you can have a few lovely chookies in your yard that shouldn’t get too sick too often, and you should be able to find information on them fairly easily.  Perhaps invest in a book or two about whatever breeds you select.  If sickness occurs you can always try ringing around various vets – you may at least be able to get some advice and some vets will actually give you a syringe of whatever elixir is needed to take home to treat your poultry yourself.  If no vets are helpful and you need to turn to the net, be selective about what sites you visit and see if several different reputable sites will have a consensus about what might be wrong.  Avoid the chat forums – that’s where all the self-professed experts (i.e. nutters) reside.

 

And sadly, to live in that happy medium between livestock and pets one has to realize that sometimes you will lose a bird no matter what you do.  We’ve lost chickens to heatwaves and hawks, and likewise lost ducks to travel-stress and foxes.  It’s always sad but it’s an inevitable fact of poultry ownership – sometimes the feathery buggers check out no matter what you do.  Between the dangers I just listed your chooks also have to deal with dogs, cats, eagles, lice, mites, fleas, ticks, intestinal worms, diseases and sometimes even each other.  Sometimes I wonder how they survive at all!

 

I hope this advice is of some help to you Maddy, and I hope your dear chookies get well soon.

 

Got any other advice for Maddy?  Pop it in the comments section below.

 

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Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: Fun & Romantic Treasure Hunt

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Today we have another question from Lucille, all the way in South Africa!

Big Angry Trev, how do you plan a romantic fun treasure hunt for your other half’s bday?

 

Well Lucille, a fun treasure hunt usually involves items hidden all over town.

A romantic treasure hunt usually involves items hidden all over your body.

So how to combine the two?

Easy!  Don’t use your body.

The face of romance

If one follows scavenging animals for long enough, one will usually come across a corpse.  Could be a homeless bum who froze to death, could be a junkie that shot up one time too many.  Heck, could even be someone who saw how much a damn coffee costs these days and had a heart attack!  The point is, search and ye shall find.

Now when you hide items all over town they can be pretty much any size.  When you hide items on your body, they usually need to be tiny in order to hide under the fall of a breast, cleft of a buttock or behind the meaty curtain of your average scrotum.  By following the method outlined below, you should be able to meld these two concepts into something both romantic and fun!

 

Items Required:

*Treasure Hunt items (none bigger than say a fish bowl)

*Several corpses located in different parts of town

*A scalpel

*Needle and twine

*Hand sanitizer

*A treasure map

 

Step 1: Load up your sack full of the different items you want your other half to find.

Step 2: Wander around town until you find your first corpse.  Mark on your map where it is located.

Step 3: Using your scalpel, cut an incision in the corpse.  Where you do this will depend on what you are planting there.  If jewellery, just behind the spleen or even the lung cavity are perfect spots.  If something larger like a new teapot or a DVD Box Set, then I suggest the gut.  If the person is fat enough, you can even hollow out a buttock cavity and pop a toaster in there.

So many fun places to hide a fancy bottle of wine!

Step 4: Sew the corpse back up.

Step 5: Continue to do this with every corpse you find, making sure to mark them on your map.

Step 6: When defiling your last corpse (I suggest at least half a dozen), the most special gift should go in there.  Usually plane tickets for a romantic trip are the most appropriate, as well as getting you out of town for a while in case the police take interest in your activities.

 

Then on the day you give your significant other their surprise (in Summer I suggest as soon as possible, in Winter you have a while before the dead begin to really smell) meet them at their house dressed in your loveliest clothes.  Present them with the map, the scalpel, the hand santizer (otherwise the whole exercise would just be yucky), the sack and tell them to get searching!

Follow along and watch the surprise and delight your romantic fun treasure hunt gives your loved one as they rummage through intestines and bladders to find their special gifts!  Then wing your way to take a well-deserved holiday, all while the police search in vain for whoever has been committing these foul deeds.

 

I hope this works for you Lucille.  Given it’s my 10-year wedding anniversary in a few months, I might just be doing the same for my lovely bride!

Good Luck!

 

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Ask Trev: Whats Trev’s Nuclear Armageddon survival plan?

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Once again, we have a question from a long time reader – Madds in Melbourne.

When the polar ice caps melt, and release an apocalyptic gas cloud from the arctic tundra / or when Trumples and Kimbo wage nuclear Armageddon what is your post apocalyptic action plan?

I didn’t do it!

 

Well, much as when Matt asked me about my plan for when we have a Zombie Apocalypse, this is already a subject I have given much thought to and yours truly is well prepared.

Like when planning against the Zombie Apocalypse, I live on a remote farm (not the same one) that is well inland hours away from the ocean.  Even with the ice caps melting the seas will not rise enough to cross the Blue Mountains to reach our local and since we are now much further north, the apocalyptic gas cloud should only affect the more southern part of this continent, thereby rendering us relatively safe from this eventuality.

However when Trumples and Kimbo wage Nuclear Armageddon is another matter.

‘Radiation Burns? Na na, it’s just an STD I swear!’

They’ve been having recent chats but  I am not hopeful.  Kimbo is likely to turn around and launch a missile on a whim and, given how rude he was recently to the Queen of England, Trumples is antagonistic enough that if he doesn’t start a Nuclear War with North Korea, he is going to eventually start a war with someone.

So what is my action plan then?

Well as I said we are well situated.  About half way between Sydney and Canberra we lie outside any blast zones or radiation fallout areas.  Whilst millions in the region will die, we will be fine.

We will look to our sustainability first off.  We have rainwater tanks as well as our own creek with a water purification system, so will maintain a reserve of clean water well after others have run out.  We have a solar panels and a diesel generator, so as long as the sun shines and we can scavenge fuel for a while we will have power.  We have goats, chooks and ducks so we will have access to eggs and meat on top of having fruit & nut trees and vegetable & herb gardens for sustenance.  We will be OK.  Worst comes to worst there are enough Kangaroos on our land to eat heartily for decades!

Which puts us in a position of power!

Like in the old world, in the new world order power will be paramount.  But now as a permacultralist who has fresh food, water and also electricity, we will have the power!  We will lord it over all the bankers, lawyers and politicians who currently earn 20 times more than I do.  And they will come begging.

Eating hearty while they all die of radiation poisoning – not that I’m smug about it or anything

I will strengthen the fences of our farm and patrol our lands.  Anyone looking for fresh food and water need to be able to negotiate for entry.  Either with resources of their own in tow, or useful skills such as medicine or mechanical repairs will be required to join us.  As our numbers grow, we will attract more people with a wider diversity of skills.  Carpenters, midwives, butchers, bakers, candlestick makers – all will wish to  join my our community and soon a working village will establish itself, with folks able to support each other with goods and services, even after all resources able to be scavenged from beyond our borders have been depleted.

 

But what of those that wish to undermine the new order?

Tracking the spoor of an intruder

Easily fixed.  All newcomers to our community, once properly vetted, will be branded with a hot iron on the back of their left shoulder blade with a mark resembling my benevolent visage and a hand giving the thumbs up underneath.  Any pretending to be part of our community who are not will be fed to the pigs – human flesh being of considerable dietary benefit to the porkers.  This ensures security and loyalty amongst my flock.

But what of raiders?

Whereas with the Zombie Apocalpse, where zombies will be the biggest worry regarding transgressors, it will be Mad Max-like bands of marauders roaming the land that will be of major concern.  These groups will have regressed back to the ‘might-makes-right’ mindset, with the biggest, burliest and nastiest forming gangs around themselves.  Though a mixture of violence and fear they will control their followers and scour the land, refusing to create but rather steal the toil of others.  Their main goals beyond destruction?  Obtaining fuel, food and women.

Luckily we also will be prepared for this.  Even man in my new order will be trained in marksmanship with a scoped rifle, able to knock the gnat off a rabbits dick from 500 yards.  All womenfolk will be trained extensively in hand-to-hand combat, as well as the proficient use handheld weapons – particularly knives.

Not only does this empower women within my new world order community to know that on a one-to-one basis they can beat the living crap out of or even kill any man who tries to get overly fresh with them, it will surprise the hell out of raiders!

Imagine a scavenging road gang, having breached our gates, coming into the main compound ready for combat.  Now any man they would see they would immediately kill on the spot.  Not women.  Women is what they are after.  They see a few dozen apparently unguarded ladies with smiling and somewhat lascivious smiles on the faces.  These raiders will think they have reached the promised land!

Leading by example, I will of course also offer myself as irresistible bait

Of course, as they dismount from their motorcycles and dune buggies and approach these fair maidens, hidden snipers from every conceivable angle will take them out.  Any left standing will be sliced from scrotum to sternum by the women of our clan, relishing the feeling of spilling the guts of their would-be aggressors onto the soil below.  These pricks wont stand  a chance!

 

As the years progress, I will retire slowly from the community, becoming more of a holy figure amongst the people as my offspring continue to command the rabble and expand our territory, annexing new towns and hamlets by the score.  By the time some of the radiation from the capital cities has receded, I will be lying on my death bed, surrounded by my loved ones with the palace-like-homestead I inhabit beset by thousands of worshipers crying in lament, me content in the knowledge that I have set humanity upon a path to redemption and that statues in my likeness proclaiming me as the true messiah will stand for generations to come, my will controlling the fate of the human race long after my passing.

‘The Church of Trev’ – as long as ya worship me ya can sin as much as ya friggin like!

Of course, humanity one day will recover enough to bring back the sciences of the past and improve upon them.  It is with a satisfied certainty I know that when, in about a thousand years when humanity gets close to destroying itself for a second time, these technologies will be used to revive me to the land of the living to save civilization once again, and thus take my rightful place as overlord of the new age of man, extending my influence to the stars and beyond.  I will through inspiration, charisma and my natural musky scent, lead us all to conquer the heavens above and I will live forever as Big Angry Trev the 1st – Grand Space Emperor Supreme!  All will love me and despair – or I’ll have their balls chopped off!

 

Well, that’s my plan anyway.

Hope this answers your question Madds.

 

 

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Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: How do I avoid spoilers?

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This question comes from Michael in Melbourne:

How do you avoid spoilers for major movies/comics/stories etc in the age of the internet? What is an appropriate time delay before spoilers are OK in a public forum? What should be done (if anything) to those who spoil things for others?

Ah spoilers, people do tend to forget that the major word within that is ‘spoil’ don’t they eh!  That by giving away the plot and/or ending they are spoiling that potential experience for someone else.

 

So how to avoid spoilers in the age of the internet?

The problem with major movies is that half the time the trailer IS the spoiler – they are that desperate to get you to see their flick instead of the other thousand other competing movies that come out that month, that they put in clips of all the best parts, which usually includes images of the climax of the movie!  It’s a pain in the arse is what it is!  So what hope have you of avoiding spoilers when even the trailers can spoil movies for you?  And comics and stories aren’t much better.

So to avoid spoilers from the internet, I suggest the following:

See no spoilers. Hear no spoilers.

*Step 1: Announce to the world via social media that you will be logging off for the foreseeable future and that A: you are not dead, just uncontactable, and B: You will hurt anyone that tries to break your embargo.

*Step 2: Unplug your computer

*Step 3: Smash your smart phone

*Step 4: Fake an illness and get a month’s leave from work

*Step 5: Erect a barricade made out of old furniture and razor wire on your front lawn, leaving a small hidden Hogan’s Heroes-esque tunnel so that your kids can still go to school and your wife can still bring home food.

*Step 6: Go into the basement

*Step 7: Apply a blindfold and earplugs

*Step 8: Get your wife to feed you and empty your potty until the day of the movie/comic/story release, then get her to lead you, still in a state of sensory deprivation, to the cinema/comic/bookstore.

*Step 9: Wait until you are seated with the book in your hand or the movie is starting (NOT while the trailers for other flicks are still running) then with a prearranged signal from your spouse, remove earplugs and blindfold and enjoy your spoiler-free experience.

And the beauty is, you will probably smell so much by then that most people will want to stay the hell away, which lessens the risk of spoilers in the future.

 

What is an appropriate time delay before spoilers are OK in a public forum?

Six months.  That’s the golden rule – six months.  Unless it’s me and it’s a movie and then it’s a solid two years because that’s how long it takes me to get around to watching a flick (unless it’s Deadpool or Transformers in which case I’m there front row centre!).

 

What should be done (if anything) to those who spoil things for others?

They should be turned from their homes.  They should be stripped naked and paraded through the streets where they can be jeered and pelted with rotted fruit by the populace at large.  They should be marched up the steps of the nearest town hall where, via the medium of a car battery and a wet towel, their genitalia is repeatedly fried again and again so that they can not produce another generation that cant keep their damn traps shut!

 

I wish you luck Michael, in this day and age avoiding spoilers is almost an impossible feat, but with the love (and potty emptying skills) of a good woman I’m sure you will manage it somehow.

 

Got any other advice for Michael?  Add it in the comments section below!

 

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Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: Fight against Giant Duck or Tiny Horses?

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This question comes from Jordan in Lithgow:

‘Would you rather fight one horse-sized duck, or 100 duck-sized horses?’

One would assume it would be the 100 duck-sized horses that would pose the most danger.  Horses have been known to kill humans plenty of times in the past.  A horses kick can take your head right off and a horses bite can remove the flesh from your arm down to the bone!  Fight a hundred of those little buggers and you could be in big trouble!  They en’masse kick your shins to splinters and when you fall to the ground they bite and trample and use their tiny hooves to cave your skull in.  A hundred tiny horses could really f*ck you up!

But if you have ever owned ducks, you know this question is not so cut and dried.

You see ducks at river-fronting parks, swimming about happily awaiting thrown pieces of bread, or waddling around with what is truly one of the most amusing walks in the animal kingdom.  Ducks are non-threatening and cute…

…usually.

We’ve had Muscovy ducks for years and I’ll tell ya what, they are not always super-cute!  The ducks are the perfect evidence of where the origins of ‘Pecking Order’ comes from.  I’ve seen the older Ducks strip the feathers from a younger one every day until by the end of the week her poor wings were just flesh and bones.  And as for the Drakes, they can be big vicious brutes!  We’ve given up on having more than one Drake at a time as whichever one becomes dominant beats the living shit out of the other on a daily basis.  And they will attack humans – both my kids when they were pre-3 copped a savaging because they harassed the ducks too much, and our current drake can certainly put the wind up my wife when he is in a bad mood.

So a horse-sized duck could be far more of a threat to be reckoned with than one would think, especially if it is a drake.  Ours has had our rooster on its back and stood on top of him, using his beak to bash the roosters head in!  Imagine what a horse-sized version of that could do to a human if it got its gander up!  With a combination of its talons, a hard blunt beak and a lot of aggression behind its weight, you will be begging for mercy and promising to never buy orange sauce again!

 

So getting to the question which would I rather fight?

 

The Pros & Cons:

Numbers: One huge duck to concentrate your attacks on is far easier than trying to fend off and destroy a hundred smaller targets.

I’d fight the duck.

Height Advantage: Horses can jump high relative to their height but at duck-size and with hooves, all you have to do is climb something of sufficient height and they can’t get near you.  A huge duck however has the aerial advantage  and can swoop down to literally crush you from a great height.

I’d fight the horses.

Bites vs Pecks:  A horses mouth will be pretty small at duck-sized, but anyone who has been bitten by a small creature knows it can still hurt like hell and cause a fair bit of damage.  Whereas a ducks bill when used offensively is more like a club due to it being rounded rather than pointy like a chooks beak.  A huge ducks bill may crack a few ribs, but it wont rend the flesh from your bones.

I’d fight the duck.

Weight advantage:

A duck-sized horse has gotta weigh at least half a ton.  Your best punch aint gonna do squat.  Whereas tiny horses you could pick up in one hand and use your other to snap their spindly little legs off.

I’d fight the horses.

Natural Aggression: Both are domesticated creatures… until you piss them off then they will try to kill your dopey human arse.

A draw.

 

So in the end, which would I rather fight?

That’s easy.  Horse-meat has piss-poor flavour.  So I’d fight the giant duck, win, light a big fire then literally feast upon 500 kilos of my worthy opponent.  Finger lickin’ good!

Hope that answers your question Jordan.

 

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Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: Arrival and Departure Queries

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Today we have not one but two questions, from an old mate of mine – Greg in Bendigo.

 

Question 1: ‘Where do babies come from?  I heard a stork or something or do they come from cabbage patches? I heard that rumour as well’

‘Oo-Ar, I plants me humans next to me zucchini to discourage moths!’

Forget storks.  Forget cabbage patches.  The actual answer is – the fear of death my friend, THE FEAR OF DEATH!

You know what a hassle it is to have bloody kids?  A massive one mate!  Ya can’t go out with ya buddies drinking all night anymore.  Ya can’t go over to ya hippy friends’ houses to eat their special cookies and giggle at how rectangular the doorframes are.  No sleep, no sex, no money – and chances are when they get older they will say all their emotional problems are your fault and stick you in an old farts home; they spending your life savings while you spend your remaining days soiling yourself and watching the orderlies steal your medication to sell to street kids.  Having babies sucks!

But – THE FEAR OF DEATH!

‘Am I dying or am I having a baby? I’ve heard both are rather unpleasant’

That’s right, that’s where babies come from.  The biological imperative to pass on ones genes to the next generation so that at least some of your DNA will survive your passing. So when you are gone there is still some living, breathing, tangible evidence that you ever existed in the first place.  It’s also why when those babies grow up into adults, their parents then pressure them to have subsequent babies, so you get to see yet a further generation carry your DNA on.  This way your genes may still be surviving a good 70 years after you are deep in the cold damp ground, the wormies turning you into compost inside a ludicrously expensive box.  Having descendants is really the only life-after-death one gets, no matter what the priests of various religions may tell you, using fear of your own mortality to get their coffers filled.

Of course, there are great-grandkids as well, but no one really gives a crap about them. Your DNA is too watered down by that point and chances are you are probably too senile to understand who the hell they are anyway.

 

Question 2: ‘Where’s Wally?’


Wally’s dead.  Died fighting in Syria.  No DNA legacy for him!

 

Any other info Greg might find helpful?  Pop it in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: What to do on a fractured foot?

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This ‘Ask Trev’ question comes from Shannon in Pendle Hill:

‘What activities are there for someone housebound with a fractured foot?’

 

Some of you may remember Shannon as my big burly guide and guard from my public appearance at the Collectormania Toy Fair last year.  A towering mass of muscle, this lad is not used to inactivity so whereas for the more slothful of us being chairbound might be tolerable, for the likes of him it is a pain in more than just his foot.

‘This man is a dentist, so we can’t show you his face’

So, what can Shannon do when housebound and can’t walk, run or play hopscotch?

The answer most guys will give you is ‘That’s easy – play video games and masturbate!’ but I’m assuming that after several weeks at home already those two activities have been well and truly exhausted, so i’m going a different tact and that is house exploration.  The majority of houses are set up in such a way that everything you use the most is stored at chest height, making for easy access.  Things you never use are stored in the back of the tops of wardrobes and things you use only occasionally are stored on the bottom shelves so that you don’t have to bend down too often.  It is that level you are working at now Shannon, so time to get creative with what is in reach!

 

Make dinner for the family

‘What the hell do I do with these?’

Can’t reach the upper shelves of the fridge or pantry?  Then cook with what you can access.  The wife will be happy as suddenly a male is actually checking out what is in the crisper (a true rarity), so salads aplenty!  Of course, she may not be too thrilled with the Baking Soda, White Wine Vinegar and Pulled-Taffy soufflé that goes with it.

 

Try out a new fashion style

‘Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me!’

Lucky you dude – fashions go in cycles so chances are the old clothes stored in the bottom of your wardrobe are probably the toast of Milan right now!  Forget the clothes up on the hangars you can’t reach; those Corduroy Pants from the 80’s and Hypercolour T-Shirt from the 90’s will go perfectly with your Souvenir 10-Gallon Cowboy Hat from your trip to Texas and the Leopard-Print G-String you usually only wear on Valentine’s Day (or want to scare door-knocking religious zealots).  Talk about sex-on-(broken)legs!

 

Catch up on your viewing

Best. Anthology. Ever.

Can’t reach your fav Blu Rays anymore eh?  Time to bust out the old DVD’s that never get a viewing.  Bring on Weekend at Bernie’s 1, Legally Blond 2, Transformers 3, Jaws 4 and Tremors 5!  Top that off with all 8 seasons of Home Improvement and the hours will just fly by as your brain slowly melts into a pile of numb mush.

 

So enjoy exploring your home on a level that is usually reserved for kids, dwarfs and the cast of Hogans Heroes, you will see your living space from an entirely new perspective!  And if nothing else, it will definitely give you all the incentive you need to heal up at twice the speed so you can get the hell outta that house again!

 

Heal up soon bro!

Got any extra advice for Shannon?  Pop it in the comments section below!

Ask Trev!, Fan Interviews & Art, Transformatorium

Fanscan interview with Big Angry Trev

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This is a transcript of an interview I did where I answered questions from fellow Aussie Transfans – enjoy!
Women want him (to stop belching mainly)
Men want to be him (so that his toys becomes theirs)
He is the Alpha Trion and the Omega Supreme. He is all things to all peoples. As he travels the globe he brings a sense of hope and the scent of heavily fried bacon into the lives of all he touches.
He is a hero of the fanbase
Big Transformer Trev!

Fanscan Interview: August 2017
Subject: Big Angry Trev
Interviewer: Dr. Hook, PhD, OBE, FIBRIR
Master of Processes: Mr. S Megatron

Dr. H: (takes a seat) Thank you for joining me here today.
BAT: (takes the seat opposite) No probs.
Dr. H: Care for a water? Or tea?
BAT: Na. Got any beer? Maybe some jerky or a couple of rissoles?
Dr. H: Er… no.
BAT: I take it a fried egg & bacon sandwich is out of the question?
Dr. H: We have no meat or alcohol on the premises
BAT: Shit, really? Don’t worry then
Dr. H: Ok, we are going to go through some of what are referred to as the ‘stock’ questions, then some questions from some of the Aussie Transfans out there.
BAT: (leans back) Go for it.

Dr. H: Getting straight onto the topic of Transformers, if you had an Allegiance, what would it be?
BAT: Decepticon. I find humanity for the most part to be made up of fricken idiots! I’d love to rule the planet and thusly run it the way I think it needs to be run, under the threat of force from my giant army of killer shape-changing robots from space!

Dr. H: (Underlines ‘messiah complex‘) What would your techspec motto be?
BAT: All shall love me and despair
Dr. H: You stole that from LOTR didn’t you.
BAT: (shrugs) Don’t give a f*ck – always really loved that phrase.

Dr. H: Which existing, official Transformers character best describes you?
BAT: Back in my hippy/backpacker years I would have said Beachcomber. When I was a brash young man I would have said Hot Rod. Now, I dunno, I guess maybe Brainstorm from The Lost Light? Good deep down but a smart arse, slightly amoral and thinks he is more intelligent than everyone else. Chuck in a bit of Whirl psychoticness for good measure andSwerve’s obsessive need to amuse in the hope he will be accepted by his peers.

Dr. H: Which special ability of any Transformers character would you want to have for yourself?
BAT: Blurr’s super speed, I reckon that beats almost every other power if you are too fast to stop or hit. But since I’ve been a kid I’ve dreamed about flying. To have personal flight like the G1 cartoon Cons (a Disney-Movieesque sparkle enters his eyes), what freedom that would be!

Dr. H: How would you rate yourself on a C scale, C10 being MISB Mint perfection to the lowest C1 ‘junker not worth it even for parts’?
BAT: For a long time I’ve felt like C3 at best. In the past few months with no booze, smokes and energy drinks I reckon I’d be a C7 or 8. Or as close to as someone my age can be. I’ve lost nearly 10 kilos and do physical work all day with breaking nary a sweat.

Dr. H: How long have you been a fan of Transformers?
BAT: Since the very first episode aired on TV here in Australia back in 1984 – love at first sight!

Dr. H: And how long have you been a collector?
BAT: As a kid you just take what toys you are given so I reckon I started being a ‘collector’ as a teenager. I started collecting a lot of the reissues that I had originally missed like the combiner groups and stopped when G1 finished. I then started collecting again when a friend gave me a G1 Optimus for my first wedding in 2001 and have been going ever since.

Dr. H: Do you think you will collect Transformers until you die?
BAT: Is that a threat?! (smashes bottle on side table and brandishes it) IS THAT A THREAT YOU FILTHY BASTARD?!?!
Dr. H: (looking shocked and slightly disgusted) No! Now sit down sir.
BAT: F*CK YOU!
Dr. H: I SAID SIT DOWN SIR!
BAT: (sits, looking properly chastised) Ok, no need to be snippy.

Dr. H: Ahem. Now. Do people outside of the general Transformers fandom know you collect TFs?
BAT: (grinning again) Oh my yes, have you seen my ute?

Dr. H: Were your family/parents supportive of collecting toys or did you have to hide your passion from them and friends?
BAT: Mum ran a little toy shop so during my teens I got all my TF’s at cost price. I vaguely remember her being annoyed once when I bought my 3rd pack of Micromasters in the one fortnight. Dad, well, Dad stayed on the farm all his life and had a few issues so to be honest probably couldn’t have told you what I collected, since if it wasn’t related to the farm he wasn’t interested. My friends have always been really supportive of my collecting as an adult.

Dr. H: Given your rather gregarious nature, have you attended any fan-meets, Fairs, Conventions etc?
BAT: When I lived in Melbourne I used to go to Supernova each year but was never aware of any Transformer-specific events.

Dr. H: Being creative, do you do any such endeavors with Transformers such as drawing, writing, customising etc?
BAT: I used to write fanfics about 15 years ago. My Soundwave vs The Borg one was the top rated on Lexicon for quite a while. But no, not really, except for reviews on my blog.

Dr. H: What is your favourite series, era or year, and why?
BAT: I’m a geewunner through and through. I have enjoyed pretty much all the iterations of the Transformers, even the movies, but G1 wins hands down for me.

Dr. H: And your least favourite series/era/year, and why?
BAT: I really didn’t like the first Robots in Disguise series back in the naught-ies. I found the cartoon awful and while many of the toys alt-modes looked fantastic – the best I’d seen since early G1 – I found the majority of the toys had needlessly complicated transformations, especially the 3 Autobot brothers.

Dr. H: Do you collect any of the comics?
BAT: I’ve collected most everything from the Marvel G2 run onwards and have since gotten a lot of reissues of the Marvel G1 ones.

Dr.H: And what have been your favorite comic stories?
BAT: I really loved the first half of the IDW ‘All Hail Megatron’ storyline. It was great to see how easily the Decepticons handed humanity their arse! I quite liked the Sunstorm story arc from Dreamwave and am currently enjoying MTMTE/The Lost Light. And since they were the first comics I ever owned the entire run of, I really enjoyed the G2 twelve-parter, even if the second and third issues were pretty weak.

Dr. H: Collect any cartoons?
BAT: (looks up a pic on his phone and holds it up smugly) You tell me doc.

Dr. H: Er, yes, well done. Do you have a favorite cartoon or episode?
BAT: G1 is da bomb baby. Do people still say that? F*ck it – I’m bringing it back! The mutha-f*cking bomb yo! Optimus Prime actually sounded happy and used to laugh back then! Call of the Primitives was an awesome episode from season 3 but I could happily watch nothing but seasons 1 & 2 for the rest of my days.

Dr. H: Who is your favourite character, and why?
BAT: Aw man, that’s like asking a guy to pick his favorite kid again. Don’t have an absolute favorite but I really dig Soundwave, Swindle, Shockwave, Starscream, Grimlock, Hot Rod, Omega Supreme, etc.

Dr. H: Who do you think is the sexiest Transformer?
BAT: (looks aghast) Dude. They are giant alien robots. There is nothing sexy going on.
Dr. H: I took the liberty of looking at your blog before this interview started. Care to explain this image from one of your reviews then?

BAT: I..I like to have a comfortable mousepad for my wrist is all.
Dr. H: So why did you need two?
BTT: I’ve…. got two wrists?
Dr. H: (sotto voce) And I bet they both get worn out pretty often.
BAT: What was that?
Dr. H: Nothing.

Dr. H: Which Transformers character would you want to exist for real?
BAT: Omega Supreme. Always loved him, plus he is big enough to intimidate entire countries and get me off planet if needs be.

Dr. H: Favourite TFs movie?
BAT: The animated one from 86’ – I can recite every word off by heart and have the soundtrack in my twincab CD player permanently.

Dr. H: Which was your very first Transformers toy?
BAT: G1 Dirge. Got given it for my birthday from a lady my mum used to babysit for. I went that nuts that when it was Xmas the next month I scored both a Mirage and a Cyclonus from my siblings.

Dr. H: Given you have been collecting for over 30 years then, approximately how many Transformer action figures in your collection now?
BAT: I haven’t done a database update for a while but I know earlier in the year I passed the 2000 mark. And I’ve got about a thousand other TF items like clothing, books, mugs and stuff.

Dr. H: Do you keep the action figures sealed or do you take them out to play with?
BAT: I reckon I’ve got maybe 100+ that have never been opened. Half of those would be because I never got around to it, like a lot of the DOTM Human Alliance toys.

Dr. H: Given your impressive collection, how much do you think you’ve spent on your collecting habit all up?
BAT: Oh f*ck knows – thousands, probably tens of thousands all up.

Dr. H: Are any of these particularly rare or expensive?
BAT: The MP Coneheads were stupidly expensive. I spent about $500 on a MIB G1 Scorponok about 5 years ago and over a grand on a 100% complete G1 Fortress Maximus the year before that. Of course 5 months later they announced the reissue that was going for a quarter of that price – was kicking myself. Also got the Botcon Stunticon lot shipping as we speak. As for rare, I do have a G1 Bumblebee red-variant somewhere.

Dr. H: What interesting Licensed Merchandise items do you have?
BAT: I have a tshirt from the actual visual effects team from the first live action movie. An American mate of mine had a friend who worked on TF1 and he passed it along. I’ve also got Big Grim from TF4 as well of course, though he is currently awaiting repair.


Dr. H: What’s one toy you most want?
BAT: One? Bwah haha! You are joking mate – there are bloody tons! If I was to make up a list off the top of my head though from different continuities I’d say:
G1 Overlord
G2 Megatron
BW Blackarachnia
BM Obsidian
RID(01) Scourge
Armada Powerlink Thrust
Energon Beachcomber & Galvatron
Cybertron Skywarp
Animated Blackout & Ratbat
Prime Bludgeon
RID(15) Cyclonus
RescueBots Salvage
Movieverse TLK Leader Megatron
Timelines Slicer
Henkei Ratchet
Arms Micron Breakdown
Titanium Prowl

Dr. H: Whoah – that’s quite a list! I can’t believe you came up with that off the top of your head! One would almost think you Googled the toylines in advance in anticipation of my question.
BAT: (looking shifty) Na, I wouldn’t do that. Hey look over there – that wall is pretty rockin eh!

Dr. H: Moving on. What is the current centerpiece or favoured toy in your collection at the moment?
BAT: Titans Return Trypticon with G1 Overdrive an honorable second.

Dr. H: What was your favourite toy in your early years of collecting?
BAT: As a young kid it was the Stunticons as it was the only combiner group I had.

Dr. H: Which Toy do you like transforming most and why?
BAT: The reissue Powermaster Optimus Prime. That’s so much fun and so satisfying.

Dr. H: What’s the worst toy in your collection?
BAT: RescueBots Quickshadow – what a f*cking piece of shit! Only one damn movement to transform and it still f*cks up!

Dr. H: Along those lines, which toy was most disappointing when you got it?
BAT: Masterpiece Star Saber. Paid a ton for it and its just such an underwhelming toy.

Dr.H: What do you think about gimmicky and non-convertable Transformers toys?
BAT: I have almost zero interest in toy gimmicks, like I’d probably be happier if a lot of the Titans Return toys were not Headmasters. As for non-convertible, if it’s a display piece like a bust or statuette that’s cool, otherwise I don’t see the point of them. I do have most of the Robot Heroes though and love those little guys!

Dr. H: What do you think about unlicensed fan-project figures and accessories?
BAT: I don’t touch’em usually. I got an upgrade kit for my CW Menasor because frankly he looked shit compared to the other gestalts. I also picked up some 3P Quintessons simply as otherwise I’d have no toy of them at all.

Dr. H: Thoughts on the Transformers Brand over the last five years?
BAT: Pretty damn good – it’s an awesome time to be a collector, even if it hits the wallet pretty hard. The Beast Hunters cartoon and the Generations toyline are the definite highlights of the last half decade. The fact we have had two high-grossing live action movies bodes damn well for the franchise as well.

Dr. H: Best Memory with Transformers?
BAT: I’m forming new ones with my son every week.

Dr. H: Worst memory with Transformers?
BAT: When I was a kid I scored Omega Supreme because I literally got down on my knees and begged when I saw him in the shop on a family holiday. A few weeks later the movement gimmick of him stopped working and my mum returned him. A few days after that I was telling a mate at school and he said “Why didn’t you just keep it anyway?” It was such an obvious thing to do, I was kicking myself! Think I even went away and had a little cry.
These days it’s all the fighting and negativity that seems to permeate the fanbase. People seem to think that making personal insults to strangers, over something like a difference of opinion about toys, is fine because its online.  My motto: ‘If you wouldn’t say it to someone in the pub because you’d get a smack in the mouth – don’t say it online!’

Dr. H: In your opinion, which single TF toy should every fan own?
BAT: There are two, both masterpiece. MP Optimus with the trailer and MP Soundwave with the cassettes.

Dr. H: Which Transformers toy/product would you give as a wedding present?
BAT: I got a G1 Optimus for my first wedding and was thrilled, can’t think of a better one to give anyone else.

Dr. H: Do you collect anything else?
BAT: During the post-G1 years I collected memorabilia from the TV show Home Improvement. Clothing, mugs, board games, trading cards – the lot! A few years ago I was collecting anime figures like Super Sonico & Pochaco but it was cutting too much into my Transformers budget and stopped.

Dr. H: (subtly Googles ‘Pochaco’ on his phone, then writes under the other observations ‘probable mazophiliac’) What other interests do you have that are non-toy related?
BAT: Mainly hobby farming. For every minute I spend playing with my Transformers I probably spend a full day working on my farm. Everything from building cubby houses, pirate ships and sandpits for my kids to organically growing fruit, vegetables and the like. I have goats, chooks, ducks etc. I really do love living on a farm in the nice, quiet, beautiful countryside and growing plants and animals. I’ve quit teaching to see if I can make a go of it as a living.
Other stuff? Well I love meat – like I REALLY love meat! My wife was a vegetarian when I first met her 15 years ago – didn’t take me long to lure her back to the winning side. I intend to start making my own sausages soon as well as brewing my own beer.
I’m a big fan of Deadpool and also The Tick.
I’d say my family but that’s not an interest – that’s my reason for existence.

Dr. H: What entertainment do you enjoy for leisure? As in music, movies, tv, books and the like?
BAT: When it comes to music I don’t give a damn what is popular or what genre it is, it’s whether I personally like it. So back in the day I was just as likely to listen to The Spice Girls as I was hard rock. If I have a particular genre I like best it’s probably Speed Metal. The best way to describe it is, if the song makes me want to charge into battle and headbutt a tank then that’s the music for me! If I have a favorite band at the moment I’d say it is Baby Metal. What it will be in 6 months I honestly don’t know. Quite like Hilltop Hoods, Rammstein and The Wombats as well. Best show I’ve seen live was the Jon Butler Trio a few years back.
Movies, my tastes are fairly wide but generally action and/or comedy are the ones that appeal to me. A good sci-fi/horror gets my vote as well. Anything that talks about feelings – no thank you! Anything animated – yes please! I don’t watch movies that much because frankly you can figure out the plot and the probable ending in the first 5 mintues of a flick these days. I really liked Seven because it didn’t have a happy ending.
Television, I don’t really watch much as I’m an outdoors person and of a night we have the kids routine to work through. The shows I make time for would be Criminal Minds, Law & Order SVU & Mad as Hell. Just finished season 2 of Arrow. My fav show at the moment would be Rick & Morty – it’s awesome! I’m really hoping the new version of The Tick does justice to such a great character. The only reality TV show I’d ever watch would be if it chronicled me hunting down the f*cker that invented reality TV in the first f*cking place and shoving a movie camera forcibly up his bastard arse! Stupid f*cking shit that it is!
Books, don’t have much time for sadly which is a shame because I’ve always been a prolific reader. I enjoy reading classics that I’ve never encountered before, the latest one would be The Day of the Triffids and before that it was Animal Farm and One flew over the Cuckoos Nest. I’ve read the Discworld series to death and when younger used to read Footrot Flatsover and over. I like Deadpool comics as well.

Dr. H: If you died today, and no that’s not a threat, what would your tombstone say?
BAT: Realistically, and most accurately, probably ‘Loving Husband and Father’. But I wouldn’t mind it saying ‘Trev’s on his way – duck and cover God!’

Dr. H: And before we move onto the submitted questions from other Aussie Transfans, is there anything else you would like people to know about you?
BAT: Not really, I’m a very private person.
Dr. H: Yes, evidently so.

 

Quote:
Question by Bas View Post
Did you really get shitty at the thought of Prime being a primate?
Quote:
Question by ‘The Raider’ View Post
Monkey or Truck? 😛

BAT: Ok, let’s put this Beast Wars thing to rest once and for all.
My G1 collecting massively slowed down in the late 80’s as the majority of the Decepticons became weird monster things rather than vehicles. A few monsters and animals I didn’t mind being in there for variety and loved groups like the Dinobots and Predacons, but it was getting too much by 1988 and taking up too much of the line. Hence why I had groups like the Triggercons but not the Decepticon Headmasters. Then came the Pretenders and I absolutely hated them – organic shells seemed so stupid! Where were the armies of giant robots that turned into jets and trucks and sports cars and stuff that I fell in love with in 84’? So my collecting slowly died and I bid Transformers what I thought was a final sad farewell, with the Predator team being the last lot I collected that I really liked.
Animorphs came and went which I didn’t even credit as being Transformers. Then one day in 1996 I was flicking channels and there was some talking rat who looked up to a gorilla standing next to him and called him ‘Optimus’. What. The. F*ck!? I watched a bit more and found out that THIS was the new version of Transformers and that Optimus turned into a gorilla and Megatron turned into a T-Rex and both they and their armies were all really small and had organic alt-modes now. Also they were called Maximals and Predacons instead of Autobots and Decepticons which seemed to be just a bunch of new-age bollocks.
It was blasphemy! It was bullshit! It was a kick in the face to everything I had loved about the franchise! I was beyond pissed off and ranted, usually over several beers at the Uni pub, that this was everything that was wrong with the world and they might as well start dropping the bloody nukes right now!
Of course many years later on I learned better. I learned that these were not the original Optimus and Megatron and that the series actually paid a lot of homage to G1 and was a continuation of it rather than a replacement. Then came Transmetal bodies, The Ark, appearances by Ravage etc and I got right into it. So now I have the DVD box sets, a couple of toys, some comics, a poster etc. Yeah it’s not my favorite iteration of Transformers, not even in my top 5. But I can appreciate it for what it is and there are some episodes from late in S3 I’d happily watch again and again. I really like Depthcharge and have a soft spot for Waspinator.

Question by Scott View Post
So I hear you’re the current Ozformers Member of the Year (2016). The website owner has held this prominent position for many a years. Do you think the voters got ‘boss fatigue’ & voted for a non-traditional member? (just like Donald Trump for the White House)

BAT: I am nothing like Trump!

I don’t think I was Boss fatigue per’se, it was just a bit of fun to vote for someone different. In fact I think he himself had been encouraging people for years to not vote for him. If there is any element of what you are suggesting involved, at most it may be that the site owner is often forced into the teacher role trying to control peoples behavior whereas I’m often at the other end of the spectrum in the naughty-scamp role, stirring shit hither and yon.

Question by Scott View Post
The elections on that site are always shrouded in mud slinging & dirty campaign tactics but never get the light of day. Can you give an insight on how your campaign team was so overwhelmingly successful to achieve 29% of all primary votes.

BAT: It was all a bit of fun really. I Give all the credit to Scotty for doing campaign art!

Question by Megatran View Post
You’ve got more Transformers apparel than most people. Which Transformers apparel are you most fond of? How’d it come into your possession?

BAT: Well I already talked about the tshirt from the visual effects team. I’ve got a light-up Autobot tshirt somewhere that I like for the novelty value and about 8 different G1 Soundwave tops. I think my favorite one at the moment is my Optimus one where he is a Truck because of the message on it.

It’s not remotely PC which always gets my vote but also is self-mocking via the fact that anyone wearing a Transformers tshirt in public is actually very unlikely to be mobbed by the opposite sex.

Question by Michael View Post
My question: It’s no secret you have young kids. What do you do (if anything) to pass the torch of TF fanship to the next generation? Is it a concern for you if they decide to not pursue TFs as a hobby/interest?

BAT: Well considering my sons given names the poor little sod never had much of a chance to avoid the Transformers world. He truly loves it though and to be honest sharing it with him is now the highlight of the hobby for me! I never open a new toy without him and he loves putting the trading cards in my folder, holding the Titan Masters and weapons while I transform the figures and playing with them in both modes. He has a pretty extensive collection for a 4 year old, with the majority of the Rescue Bots, a lot of the Happy Meal figures and a few huge figures like the Stomp’n’Chomp Grimlock and RID(15) Bumbebee. He’s got tons of TF clothing himself as I buy it for him whenever I see it.

I have a crate up in the cupboard full of Transformer stuff for him for future birthdays, many based around his namesake.

My daughter has not fully escaped either. At only two years of age I’m getting her right into my little pony and even made a display of TF/MLP comic crossover covers for her wall.

If they hated Transformers I’d be disappointed but it doesn’t concern me if neither of my kids pursue it as a hobby or interest. They are awesome little individuals with their own lives and their own tastes. After all, I love my wife and I still haven’t managed to get her to even watch AoE yet! It was a major disappointment to my family that, despite me actually giving everything a go such as being on the school cricket and basketball teams, that I had bugger all interest in sport – it wasn’t who I was. I don’t wanna inflict that kinda judgment on my kids or try and force them into something they won’t enjoy – I’ve been there.
Question by JUST CHILEN YO View Post
If you could go back in time to collect a MISB Transformer, either Hasbro or TakTom, what would it be?
BAT: • If it was for desire I’d say G1 Overlord since that is one toy I will probably never own and I’d absolutely love to get my hands on – it looks so damn cool!
• If it was for profit I’d say G1 Fort Max, I’d bring him back to the future and flog him for a fortune!
• If it was out of bitterness, I’d say G1 Soundwave. I gave one to a close mate in my early 20’s and a couple of months later he turned into a total bastard and we weren’t friends anymore, so I regret giving him such a special gift – especially since I may have two G1 Soundwave’s myself but neither have their box.
• If it was MOSC instead of MISB I’d say Squawktalk & Beastbox since they are the only Hasbro Con cassettes I am missing.
Dr. H: Big Angry Trev, thanks for joining us today.
BAT: No wukkas, can you call me a taxi?
Dr. H: You’re a taxi
BAT: Oh, just fu*k off would ya!
__________________
Ask Trev!

Ask Trev: “What’s Big Angry Trev’s weight loss secrets?”

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This question comes from Anonymous in Aberdeen:

‘Hey Big Angry Trev, I see all over the internet you showing off how you’ve been losing all this weight!  Well how about ya share the secret how with the rest of us eh?  Or is it all bullshit and you’ve had a bunch of airbrushed photos done like all the other celebrities – thought you were better than that man’

 

Well, this reads more of an accusation than a question but I guess what this person is asking is ‘How have I been losing weight?’  It’s true, I’ve been losing nearly a kilo a day recently.  I didn’t even realize until my pants felt loose that I was dropping such weight and now it’s quite evident as you can see from this unaltered picture:

If you say this picture doesn’t turn you on then you are a damn liar!

So how have I been doing it?  Well, no real secret formula that any doctor wouldn’t recommend anyway.  It’s just been a change in lifestyle.  Since moving a few weeks ago I have:

  • Cut out alcohol and energy drinks
  • Eaten more often
  • Eaten smaller portions

That’s pretty much it!  But let’s take you through what I am eating in an average day:

 

7.30am

Coffee – no diet should exclude coffee – EVER!

Cup of coffee with milk and 2 sugars

 

8.30am

Breakfast

Two slices of toast with vegemite and a glass of orange juice

 

12.00pm

Lunch

Sandwich: 2 slices of cheese, 3 slices of ham and a healthy dollop of Dijon mustard – all on light rye bread and with a pint of water.

 

3.00pm

Afternoon Tea

A banana, a few crackers or cruskits and a can of sugar-free coke

 

6.00pm

NOT what you should eat, but what you certainly want to (recipe HERE)

Here I can’t provide a regular photo of what I have as what I have changes nightly.  What I can say is what has changed is not so much what I eat but what’s it’s made of and the portion sizes.  And that is because lately my wife has been doing the majority of the cooking.  Why does that make a difference? Well, let’s compare what we put in both our mashed potato recipes:

Her:

  • 3 Medium Potatoes
  • Skim Milk
  • Margarine

Me:

  • 4 Large Potatoes
  • Full Cream Milk
  • Cheddar Cheese
  • Butter
  • Salt & Pepper
  • Gravy on top

So with her cooking it’s proved a lot healthier (and she has the skill of making healthy food delicious which is something I had never thought to master) and because the portions are smaller it means I am eating a lot less, since I also used to eat the leftovers on my kids plates as well.

 

9.00pm

The most g-rated nightcap ever

Cup of soup

 

So as you can see, I’m not exactly starving myself.  Also I’m not eating super-mega healthy either.  But what I am doing is eating throughout the day which keeps my metabolism going, rather than just eating a huge lunch and dinner and nothing else.  Also I’m only having a beer on a Friday night instead of 3 or 4 every night and no energy drinks whatsoever.  Combine this with the smaller portion sizes and I’ve been shedding kilos like a mangy wombat does lice!

 

Oh, and exercise?  Well, yeah, ya gotta move your arse to shrink it.  But as a hobby farmer and father of two I never sat still long anyway so I don’t think that has contributed much to my weight loss.  At most it may be that since I haven’t been smoking the last few weeks, I’m not sitting down for 5 minutes an hour to light one up so I’m doing 1/12th more activity per day than before.

 

So yeah, go lose some weight!  It’s really not hard.  And if you can’t seem to manage it there are always other options.  If you are a guy just grow a huge beard to balance it out and give you that husky lumberjack look. If you are a gal, just have the fat liposuctioned out from where you don’t want it and then stuck into your breasts where everyone will want it – both easy fixes!  Good luck y’all!

 

Got some weight-loss tips of your own?  Would love to read them in the comments section below!