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Toys Review – The Last Knight: Steelbane, Cogman & Sqweeks

When the first live action Transformers movie was released a decade ago, I went a bit nuts when the toys were first released.  The first day I saw them I horrified my girlfriend by coming home with two full garbage bags of action figures and a $700 dent in my bank account.

Now here we are at movie five and restraint is much easier.  For the first time I am not buying a toy of every character that was in the movie.  Who needs yet another Bbee camero?  So I’m buying toys only of new characters that showed up in the flick, saving me both cash and shelf space.

Thankfully I was able to put restraint on hold the other day when I finally came across some of these new characters in toy form.  So lets take a look at three new Autobots to grace the silver screen and subsequently get turned into toy-candy – Steelbane, Cogman and Sqweeks.

 

Steelbane

Dig those shoulders man!

Robot Mode

Have at ye!

Steelbane was one of those generic Knights of Cybertron to show up in the flick, and you would be hard pressed to single him out when watching the movie.  I will say I am quite impressed with the look of Steelbane in robot mode – perhaps the most knight-esque Transformer I’ve ever seen!  Really looks like he should be guarding a tomb for centuries and then coming to life to scare the shit out of Lara Croft.  However the look of this toy is the best thing about him.  The shoulder and leg balljoints are very loose, making him very hard to pose.  This is made up for somewhat by the fact he has tight neck and elbow joints so you can at least give him the odd cool pose.  Comes with a sword with lots of little detail on it and the wings folded behind serve to give him a look as though he is wearing a chainmail cape.  So visually he looks great, playwise he is a bit of a letdown.

En’Guarde!

Dragon Mode

This is what happens when your alpaca mates with a raven and a washing machine

Frankly pretty crap.  The loose balljoints make him even harder to pose in beast mode than robot mode.  The chest does not sit flush with the main body and while I appreciate the little detail of the red tongue, it actually detracts from the dragons head when you open the mouth wider.  I found the transformation to beast mode quite fiddly as well; his secondary mode is so ill defined and the instructions were not particularly useful.  I ended up just looking at the back of the box and fiddling with the figure until he represented that pic.

 

Cogman

Robot Mode

Sushi-chopper not included

Typical – we finally get a Transformer in one of the movies who gets a lot of lines and screen time and he never even transforms!  Well thankfully they released some toys of him that do.  There is a fantastic looking one with a headmaster gimmick, however since he never did it in the film I went the cheaper 1-step option.  I don’t usually like 1-step changers, I find them very overpriced for the simplistic figure you get.  However since I don’t want to spend a fortune importing a transforming Cogman I was happy enough to get this representation of him.  They did the colour scheme and in particular the head quite well and he doesn’t look too bad at all.  Just a shame that he has no knees and his legs are so chunky.

Vehicle Mode

‘I have an alt-mode!’

Cogman transforms into an Aston Martin DB11, which he did get behind the wheel of in the movie if memory serves.  He achieves this in toy mode by a simple twist of the legs.  A nice little car, though a better paintjob wouldn’t have hurt.

 

Sqweeks

‘Guess what noise I make’

Robot Mode

‘They took ma hands!’

This little guy was supposed to be the ultra-cute new bot of Transformers 5.  But R2-D2 he aint and he never really captured our hearts.  However if there is to be a movie toy that will garner your affection – it’ll be this little guy!  While his robot mode initially looks as lackluster as the character did onscreen (though I do did all the rust in his paintjob) , it’s all his little mods that make the toy.

He has several options, he can use his little cargo trailer from his alt-mode (which we will come to momentarily) to have a sort of rocket backpack, or you can remove his little handlebar hands to affix a big arm and the huge cannon he wielded in one of the final movie fight scenes.

‘BEEFCAKE!’

Vehicle Mode

Not a bad looking scooter.  Well, it is a bad looking scooter I guess but it’s supposed to be so on that level it really works.  The transformation to scooter is fairly straight forward but I find it helps to cheat a little and remove his handlebar hands and his head.  This detracts nothing from his alt-mode and saves potential scratches to your toy by jamming everything in.

His cargo-trailer really makes the toy!  It can be attached to the back which adds a lot of bulk to the toy, and then altered into a battle mode replete with cannons and guns enough to freak out the strongest Con.  It also transforms into one of the coolest little maintenance bays I’ve seen this side of G1 Optims, with a toolbox to store spare parts and a very maneuverable robotic arm.  Very cool indeed!

 

Overall

They never really seem to hit their stride with the movie toys do they?  Many of the ROTF figures were fantastic but since then we’ve had DOTM which had toys too complicated and AoE whose toys were too simple.  So far none of the TLK figures are massively impressive.  So unless you really want representations of the new movieverse characters both Steelbane and Cogman are both easy passes.  However do yourself a favour and go pick up a Sqweeks.  It’s a really cool toy with lots of play value and by far one of the most enjoyable movie figures I have played with.  Small on screen but big on fun!

Got something to add to the review above?  Would love to read it in the comments section below!

 

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Movie Review – Transformers: The Last Knight

Movie Review – Transformers: The Last Knight

Here we are – the fifth installment of the live-action Transformers movie franchise.

These movies have caused a lot of debate over the years.  Many of the critics and your more traditional Transformer fans have hated them – citing such things as poor plots, juvenile jokes and lack of characterization.  However the general public has loved them – all four previous movies still remaining in the top 100 highest grossing movies of all time.

So will Transformers: The Last Knight fare any better than the previous four with the die-hards?  Let’s find out!

Oh, and SPOILER ALERT!  This is a movie review – so if you haven’t seen the flick yet and don’t want to know what happens, read no further (but please do come back after watching I implore you).

 

This movie picks up not long after the events of Transformers 4, and unlike that movie brings back a lot of what happened in Transformers 3 as well.  The Transformers are still all hated and hunted by the human governments, yet they keep arriving.  Most of the Autobots are living in a junkyard which they periodically leave as they try to find more of their lost brethren with the help of Cade.  Megatron (Galvatron being just a phase he was going through) is enacting plans with the help of his henchman Barricade and Optimus Prime is off in space trying to find the creators of his race so he can put the smack down.  Oh, and the new plot has flashbacks of Merlin dealing with a bunch of Cybertronian knights that can combine into a 3-headed space dragon – now there is a twist that not a lot of movies can boast eh!

The first half of this movie advances these plot lines.  Megatron does a hostage swap of some humans in order to get some of his captured crew back from the military.  Cade and the Autobots hiding out unwillingly adopt a 14 year old orphan girl and Optimus lands on Cybertron to meet Quintessa, his creator.  Soon conflict (and Bayesque explosions) come into play.  Megatron (tracked by the military) finds the Autobots and has a scrap, most of his henchmen we had only just met being killed in the process.  Quintessa brainwashes Optimus into becoming Nemesis Prime and sets the broken planet of Cybertron (which got royally f’ed up at the end of TF3 by a spacebridge explosion) on a course to Earth to siphon its energy to make the metallic husk pull itself back together.  We also get introduced to two new plot lines: The first is that Anthony Hopkins rocks and has a bunch of old Autobots at his disposal (including a quite psychotic character named Cogman) and is trying to figure out the whole Merlin angle.  The second is that, like the TFPrime cartoon, Earth actually is Unicron and he is extending his horns out through various parts of the planet!

Phew – that’s a lot going on eh?

To prevent this they…..

…you know what, bugger it – if I list the 8 millions plot twists this review is going to become a novel!  Chances are if you are reading this you have seen the movie and know what happens!  So how about I save us all a bit of time and go on a few pro’s and cons eh?

PRO’S

*Lots of explosions

*Tons of action

*Nice boobs for the boys, nice ab’s for the girls

*Anthony Hopkins was awesome

*Cogman was funny

*A good variety of different robots

*Great fight scenes

*Expanded the movie lore

*Genuinely funny moments

*At least some characterization of Decepticons

*The action was not too close up and frenzied so you could actually tell what was going on most of the time

*Cullen and Welker reprised their roles as Optimus and Megatron respectively

*A Transformer clock killed Hitler

*Autobots, Decepticons, Quintessons, Combiners, Cybertron and Unicron!

 

CON’S (no, not those Cons)

*Bumblebee coming apart and coming back together contradicted a lot of TF deaths from the previous movies

*So many Transformers didn’t actually transformGrimlock, Slag Slug, the baby Dino’s, Cogman, Wheelie, Sqweeks,  whoever the female submarine was etc.  It was like reading an IDW comic!

*A lot of the Transformers that did transform never did it on screen, such as Optimus himself.

*Contradictions in plot

*Too much human focus

*Hot Rod is french?!

 

So overall, is this movie worth watching?  Well I’d have to say yes.  All the people that complain about the Transformer movies would do well to remember that these flicks are based on a cartoon from the 80’s about shape-changing alien robots fighting a civil war.  It’s not supposed to move you and make you cry – it’s supposed to entertain you!  In that regard Transformers: The Last Knight certainly delivers the goods!  It (like all the others) is a long movie but I can’t say there was any point where I was bored and frankly I found the whole movie quite fun!  It’s not a movie you are supposed to take too seriously and I think some of the critics and die-hard fans need to remember that sometimes.  Overall I’d say that this was not as good as TF1, about on par or slightly better than 3 & 4 and much better than 2.  I had a great time watching it with a half dozen mates and I can’t wait to see what happens with the Unicron angle in number 6!

 

This movie gets 4 out of 5 energon cubes.

Got something to say about the movie?  Would love to read it in the comments section below!