During the summer bushfires we lost power to our home for several days and as such lost everything in our fridges – including my beautiful range of hot sauces. Sniff… dark days indeed.
It’s over half a year later and I’m still slowly building a small collection back up. As such, when I saw some for sale right in the little town we live near, I couldn’t resist grabbing a bottle.
classy…
So let’s have a look at the latest offering from Bunsters, subtly titled – SHIT THE BED Aussie Hot Sauce.
The Flavour
Now with a name like Shit the Bed you probably aren’t expecting a top of the range hot sauce, full of subtle flavours that complement the heat. And you’d be right! Trying a bit on its own is like getting stung on the tongue by a wasp, a short sharp unpleasant sting to the tastebuds.
Of course, hot sauces aren’t meant to be eaten on their own, just as one is not supposed to drink from a bottle of tomato sauce. They are a condiment to be added to other foods. So I tried this sauce out on a homemade double-beef burger.
I will say that as a supporting flavour this hot sauce does come into its own. The sauce significantly added to the taste of the burger, and whilst still rough around the edges it was fairly pleasant on the whole. The label on the bottle said the hot sauce goes great with pizza and eggs so I added an extra dollop to the fried egg on my burger for good measure.
Bring the Heat… please!
Pfff…. hot sauce for toddlers!
This hot sauce may have an initial bite to it, but it is severely lacking in the heat department, despite Warning: This sauce is extremely hot being on the back label. Whoever wrote on the front label that the heat is 12/10 was either taking liberties with the truth or sorely needs to revisit their high school maths. Even eating this hot sauce straight wont make you yearn for a cup of water or milk and within a minute the heat has fully receded from your mouth. At a measly 35,000 Scoville’s it’s not even a tenth as strong as Mad Dog 357 (which has a level of 357,000 Scoville) and does not deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence as God Slayer Fucking Hot Sauce which comes in at a whopping 6.4 million! Yep, if you are after a heat challenge from your hot sauce I’d look elsewhere.
So… did I soil my sheets?
Promises Promises
The implied claim with the name of this product is that the hot sauce is so lethal it will make you shit the bed. Indeed with some of the heat challenges I’ve done such as attempting Australia’s Hottest Hamburger, I’ve had to get up at 2am in extreme gastric distress and sit on the toilet for an hour or two. Surprisingly, despite the relative lack of heat, around 10pm that night I did have to go sit on the toilet for a while with my stomach churning. However instead of the usual liquid lava boiling from my bowels it felt like I had eaten a dodgy curry or something. And if this had all taken place after I had nodded off, the attack was not that acute that I think I would have dropped a brown one in the bed rather than made it to the lavvy. Nope, no ring of fire for this cowboy’s latest ride.
Is this hot sauce worth your time?
If you are a hot sauce connosuier like me then no. It has an unpleasant taste on it’s own, is average on food and has very little heat. The only thing it seems to have in common with the better/stronger hot sauces is that it causes you gastronomic queasiness, which is meant to be a side effect rather than the main selling point. However given its cheap price point and vulgar name, it’s probably not a bad one to have on standby at a BBQ to give your boozed up mates a chuckle and to stick on a burger.
What a wonderful time to be a toy collector eh? Figures we only used to dream of in our geekiest fantasies are being trotted out right left and center! A lot of that can be put down to people who loved things in their youth during the 80’s now being (supposedly) grown-ups with disposable income on their hands.
Well My Little Pony is happy to jump on that cash-in bandwagon with a new line of Crossover collectible figures. These range from Dungeons and Dragons to even Power Rangers. But today we are going to look at by far the two best of the crossover figures, because they cross over with two of the best franchises in history – Ghostbusters and Transformers.
As the only feature of these toys, besides their cool looks and packaging (I love the fact that on the boxes it says ‘approved by Optimus Primeand Peter Venkman respectively), is the fact you can move their tails, there is not really much to review here. So enjoy the photo’s and hopefully they will help you decide if you would like these awesome figures for your collection.
My Little Prime
Plasmane
Friendship is Magic!
So do you think you will pick up these figures? Do you love the nostalgia or would prefer the takes be more modern? Let us know in the comments below.
The slow release of the Studio Series Constructicons continues. Some see it as a good thing, not overloading their budgets. Others see it as an irritation, their frustration to build Devastator from Revenge of the Fallen growing week by week.
For me personally it has been neither. As someone who is happy enough with the ROFT Devastator I already own, this Studio Series has simply been a chance to fill out my collection with those onscreen Cons who never received an actually decent toy before such as Scrapmetal.
Today we are looking at one such character. The leader of the Constructicons in G1, who like Long Haul and Mixmaster got to actually keep their proper name and traditional alt-mode for the movieverse, we are looking at Scrapper.
Robot Mode
This looks pretty good for a movieverse toy. He actually looks like a robot rather than just a mess and is pretty faithful to how he appeared on the big screen. He has retained the flail attachment on his arm, however sadly is unable to swing it. He has decent articulation for a fairly stocky bot, with elbows, neck, knees and hip movement.
‘Am I busting a kung-fu move or just getting down with my bad self? Let your imagination run wild kids!’
The colour scheme is not only faithful to how he appeared in ROTF, but also has some G1 roots too, almost an homage to the European/Australasian rerelease of the G1 Constucticons from 1992.
“The studio insisted I bulk up for the movie”
Vehicle Mode
Really pretty damn good! A superb amount of detail throughout the entire vehicle form, this looks like a proper model of a real construction vehicle. Some have argued that the alt-mode is too kibble-laden, but as someone who has seen a lot of very large construction vehicles up close, some Front Shovel Loaders do indeed look similar with parts everywhere.
The vehicle form feels very solid overall and a nice touch is that you can actually raise the shovel!
Super-Sweet-Shovel-Slap Bro!
Transformation
This figure has a really interesting transformation. With 36 steps its going to take you a few minutes to do the first time out, but there is no part that is overly frustrating or a head-scratcher. It feels very satisfying to work through, and that is always a massive plus when dealing with actual transformer toys.
Overall
If you have no interest in the Movieverse (in which case why are you reading this review? Go outside and play!) then it’s an easy pass. But if you like the Movieverse, are a Constructicon fan or a completionist then you will want to pick this guy up. Of course if you intend to build Devastator then you have no choice but to pick him up! But you wont regret doing so, it’s a solid figure in both modes with a good transformation and for once you feel like you are getting a proper Voyager-class sized figure when buying a toy of that classification. So yeah, a good value toy that reminds you just how fun transforming transformers can be.
Last year we saw the introduction of the Commander Class in the Generations toyline of the Transformers franchise. This new classification of toy size was for those characters that were much bigger than even the likes of Optimus and Megatron in the G1 cartoon and the fans wanted a toy to match.
So far we had only had Jetfire, and what a damn cool toy he turned out to be! This year we have gotten our second Commander Class toy. The Space Dragon with an ego almost as big as his hull, we get Sky Lynx.
The original Sky Lynx was a very unique toy and a very unique character in the G1 franchise. The toy was made up of two distinct pieces; a motorized troop carrier box that could turn into a giant, twin-tailed Lynx beast, and a space shuttle that could turn into a sorta Dinobird monster. These could operate independently of each other in the cartoon and were controlled by the one consciousness that was Sky Lynx, effectively making him the brands second DuoCon, afterOmega Supreme. More often than not in the cartoon however, the space shuttle usually carried the troop carrier on the bottom of its hull in order to transport Autobots through space. In robot mode the Lynx and Dinobird portions combined into Sky Lynx’s complete robot form, with size and strength enough to take on the likes of Predaking independently, and even take a pot shot at Trypticon. In this complete form, the toy could walk, once again making it fairly unique in the toyline.
We didn’t see a Sky Lynx toy for many years, until the Predacons Rising subset of the Prime cartoon and toyline. While he still had his Space Dragon mode and was big, he wasn’t huge and had a robot mode instead of a space shuttle mode. That combined with being a Predacon meant that fans were underwhelmed by the characters return to screen.
A few years later we got another Sky Lynx figure. This time a Voyager class toy in the Combiner Wars line which was much more an homage to G1. He had his space shuttle and Space Dragon modes, by could not separate. Instead he became the torso of a combiner Sky Reign– with the head of a Lynx. This toy was more warmly received, but being only Voyager class and not having all the modes of the G1 toy, fans still did not get their proper Sky Lynx fix.
Well, now in 2020 weve finally got what we were waiting for, a proper reimagining of the Sky Lynx figure, and boy was it worth the wait! So with our history lesson done, lets move onto looking at this fantastic new toy!
Space Shuttle Mode
A really nice, really big looking space shuttle. Sky Lynx is trying to finally have an Earth disguise with NASA printed on the side. You will note that the name on the side of the shuttle is ‘Magnificence’, both a reference to a large story arc from the Transformers IDW comics, as well as to Sky Lynx’s opinion of himself.
The top of the shuttle opens up, just as the G1 toy did, to reveal what could either be considered escape pods or cargo pods. I’m inclined to think of them as the latter. Besides this there are not many play features to the space shuttle, but its still a damn nice looking toy.
Dinobird Mode
Very faithful to the G1 concept, with instead of two eyes it having a row of the space shuttle windows for viewing. The wings are a great improvement, both with the detail on the blue sections to make them look more like robotic feathers, but also the fact the wings can now be angles up and down instead of going out from the body on a straight angle. Speaking of posing, the Dinobird has in his legs hip joint swivel, ankle tilts and knees, making it much easier to pose.
The head is a bit big for my liking in Dinobird mode, but one thing I do like is that instead of just having a blaster for a tongue, he now has a tongue and blaster and both can be moved about on a separate hinge in his mouth. Combine this with the fire effects that come with the toy it can give him a nice offensive posture.
Troop Carrier Mode
It was pretty boring on the G1 toy, just being a blue box. This is a bit better, though not that much. At least it comes with big tank tracks on the side to make it look like it is supposed to move around under its own power. Unfortunately, unlike the G1 toy it doesn’t move around under its own power, though it does have wheels so it will roll. The lack of batteries has opened up the inside so that other small Transformer figures such as Micromasters can ride inside it.
Please, no ‘enter me from the rear’ jokes, as tempting as they are
Add a couple of lasers to the front and it looks like something industrial designed to navigate a rough planet or asteroid, something out of a sci-fi like the new Thunderbirds or perhaps Starship Troopers.
Lynx Mode
At least the head can actually stick up more this time, rather than constantly looking at his own feet. Once again very faithful to the G1 concept, even down to the twin tails.
A cool new addition is that like the Dinobird it can now shoot fire from its mouth. The figure also has some (but limited) leg articulation.
Space Shuttle Transport Mode
A thing of friggin beauty! Having the two halves of the toy combined really gives it a physical presence the character deserved, and feels strong and bulky in the hand to boot! Besides holding it in the air and yelling ‘zoom!’ the only real play features are that you can open up the back and unfold a ramp to load Micromaster vehicles, and you can put flame effects in the shuttle exhausts. But all said, it’s a great looking toy – just make sure you get the two halves of the toy tabbed together correctly.
Combined Robot Form
And here he is! Truly magnificent! Here the head now seems perfectly in proportion as does everything really. With the fact you can move the prehensile neck, adjust the knees and ankles and wings you can pose him quite well for a character that lacks traditional hips and has no arms.
And the size of him is fantastic, I honestly expected him to be around the same size as the G1 toy but he dwarfs his predecessor.
Space Shuttle Launch Base Mode
If all of the above weren’t good enough, we even get a new mode! The troop carrier/lynx portion of the toy can fold out and become a base for the space shuttle with built in launch pad. While this was pretty cool with the latest Astrotrain figure to come out, its even cooler looking here due to the size. A particularly nice touch I thought was the extendable ramps that lead from the ground all the way up to the shuttles storage pods, making it look like it is taking on supplies before heading into space.
Worth Getting?
Australia is one of the first places in the world to get it and right now is fairly easy to find at the Big W toy sale for $119(au). Sky Lynx is definitely worth the price tag. With so many modes there is an absolute ton of play value to be had here. The transformations are quite easy and very indicative of the G1 toy. Whilst some collectors may be annoyed at the simplicity, I’m not as it means that you can change Sky Lynx into whichever of his multitude of modes suits your play without having to spend 10 minutes doing so. So not only is this figure great for G1 enthusiasts as well as Transformer Collectors in general, but means it is also great for younger fans too with the easy accessibility it provides. I cannot recommend this toy heartily enough – as loathe as I am to coddle an ego that is already so big, this Sky Lynx is worthy of the name Magnificence.
Got a Sky Lynx too, or thinking of picking one up? Tell us in the comments section below!
Today we have another question from Shannon in Pendle Hill:
‘When you have a Vicks VapoDrop lozenge, where does the mucus in your nose go? It just disappears!’
Seems so innocent and helpful…
Well Shannon I must say, in this day and age of Pandemics, its nice to see someone still thinking about the common cold.
Before we continue, I must state right now DO NOT USE THOSE DROPS! EVER!
Now let me tell you why….
In the era of information gathering, everyone is worried about it happening online. Social Media outlets monitoring your posts to find out about your work and family. Search Engines watching what you look for so they can target advertising right at your weaknesses. Beware the Cookies!
But forget online – it doesn’t matter. It’s the bastion of nerds, stalkers and of course the incredibly intelligent, good looking people who read this blog. No, you need to worry about what is happening in reality, and what one company is after – your genetic template.
‘We are coming for your goo’
That’s right, Vicks isn’t interested in curing your cold! They are however interested in your mucus. Because if they get your mucus they get your DNA. And if they have your DNA, then they can clone you. And if they can clone you, then they can murder you, put their clone in your place and then they have yet another operative out there in society doing their malevolent bidding! You had savings? That money now belongs to the Vicks company. You had a job? Now your clone works there, subtly furthering the Vicks agenda. You had kids? They are now your clone’s kids and being raised in the Vicks ideology.
See this guy? He’s now sticking it to your wife.
Those Vapodrops are not designed to cure your mucus problems. They are to signal the company that there is snot to be harvested! When you suck the pill and it dissolves, a tiny radioactive marker is released. You don’t notice it as you are sick and already feel like shit anyway. That radioactive marker is then picked up on by one of the multitude of Vicks controlled satellites orbiting the earth and your location immediately relayed to the nearest infiltration team. Then, as you sleep, the team silently enters your home and, using a mini turkey-baster, sucks all of the mucus out of your nose. Then they hightail it with a vial-full of your precious DNA. This is happening in thousands of homes across the world each night!
Shit – they’ve gone international!
So Shannon, that is where your mucus goes when you pop a Vicks Vapodrop lollie. It goes to a secret underground bunker where scientists analyse it and begin preparations to make a Shannon-clone, soon to become one of the ever-growing army of snot-spawned operatives that each day bring us towards a total Vicks-controlled populace and the annihilation of society as we know it!
Shaped just like a lozenge – no coincidence
So next time mate, do us all a favour and just use a hanky eh 😉
The Authentics line is not the most beloved of Transformer toylines. People don’t rant online about their local store being out of stock or discuss on message boards how excited they are about a new figure coming up.
What the Authentics line is known for is being relatively cheap, usually G1 inspired and relatively easy to find. Most supermarkets will have a few Authentics toys in their tiny toy sections so if you live near a Coles or Woolworths chances are you can find one.
There have already been two Grimlocks in the Authentics line. If one were to use classifications from the Generations line you would say a ‘Scout’ class and a ‘Deluxe’ class. Both were OK looking, but of course not brilliant and made of extremely cheap materials. Hasbro has decided to continue with this theme but upscale it, so let’s have a look at the new Titan Changer class of Authentics toy with an all new Grimlock figure.
Robot Mode
Tall!
Undoubtedly G1 inspired and with the simplicity of his look you could almost classify him as a representation of how he looked in the old G1 Marvel comics. Interestingly he has some shoulder mounted multi-missile launchers which are far more indicative of Cyberverse Grimlock toys. Perhaps this is to make up for the fact he has no other weapons and no accessories.
This figure has limited articulation, having some swivel at the hips and shoulders as well as being able to bend at the knees. No elbows however and no neck swivel.
“Me Grimlock frolick!”
The toy is extremely lanky, his overly long legs putting him on a height scale with many Generations Leader-Class figures. He is also extremely thin, and if you turn him around you will see there is almost literally nothing behind him.
“WHO STEAL GRIMLOCKS CALVES?!”
Space Tyrannosaurus Mode
It’s… actually not that bad
It’s…. OK. The back of the dinosaur mode is very boxy, almost the opposite of the overly elongated POTP Grimlock figure. The head is a lot flatter than your usual Grimlock toy. He has a small lever on the back of his head which allows you to open and shut the dinosaur jaws and is his only real gimmick. As the robots arms become the dinosaurs legs, the figure has no knee movement and his upper arms are locked in position.
Look, its not great OK. But we’ve had some pretty average looking dinosaur mode toys for Grimlock over the years so it’s not like this one is significantly worse than a lot of the others.
The Space T-Rex sniffs the air, trying to locate the scent of its next meal
Overall
I think my kids put it best when they were fiddling with this figure this morning: ‘This is a kids toy isn’t it Dad, cause’ it’s so light’. Firstly I love the fact they think most of my Transformers are intended for adults since its dad that gets them – bless their hearts! But it was a good analysis from them – this toy being such a big figure made out of such cheap plastic means that it is best suited for younger fans who want their own Grimlock toy to play with. Combine this with a simplistic transformation and relatively low price tag (mine cost $30[AU] from Aldi) and it means that while this is a Grimlock most collectors will happily skip, it may be a great gift for their offspring.
Got something to say about this figure? Pop it in the comments section below!
When I was a lad boys were into super heroes, riding BMX’s and playing with transforming robots. Girls were into Barbie Dolls, Cabbage Patch Kids and beading sets. It seemed to make sense.
But now the world has gone bizarre. My son’s favourite thing is to watch youtube videos of other people playing video games. Not play video games himself, but to watch others play them. How that is more fun then getting a controller in your hand is beyond me.
But it seems girls are no better. My wife came home last night with a colouring book for my daughter that she has apparently been requesting for some time. The colouring book is called Poopsie, based on baby unicorns that poop.
Seriously…. What. The. Fuck. Is. This?!
This is apparently hugely popular! I’ve seen the toy commercials myself where they are flogging unicorn poop which looks like glittery slime but I was ignorant to how big a fad it is. I thought maybe it was like those baby dolls that wee themselves in a potty (which I always thought was odd but at least understood) but no, its just big balls of glittery shit from the arse of a baby unicorn.
If the idea of playing with mythical-creature fecal matter wasn’t bizarre enough on its own, things get way weirder. I mean, is it just me or do these Unicorn babies , I dunno, look really slutty!?!
‘No, she really doesn’t. And neither do her trailer-park Unicorn parents it seems’
The tiny little tops that show the midriff. The nappies that look like hot pants – I actually thought they were hot pants until I looked closer and saw the safety-pins holding them up. The curvy body poses with big glazed eyes and almost drooling mouths that look like they would be more suited to a hentai movie than a little girls toy. What depraved maniac decided they should look like this?! I showed pictures from the colouring book to five different women at work in case I was reacting wrong. Maybe it was all in my head and I was some deranged pervert seeing sexuality where it didn’t actually exist. Maybe I was being a misogynist and shaming female unicorns for dressing however they liked as they indulged their right to shit themselves in a rainbow of different colours. But nope, every woman I showed uttered a shocked exclamation along the lines of ‘Oh my god! Why do those babies look like drunk whores?!’
“hi, I’m Super Sonico from Japan. I have Dakimakura love pillows and Booby Mouse Padsbased on me, yet I still look more wholesome than these Unicorn tarts!’
Now I’ll be the last to say that Unicorns can’t be sexy – one day dear Rarity from My Little Pony shall be my bride I swear it! But these are babies in hot-diapers, kinda making this the pedophiles version of MLP. Do we really need Unicorn Slut Babies marketed to our little girls? I think not.
Of course let’s not forget the main theme of the Poopsie brand – Coprophilia!
It’s bad enough that these little unicorn babies dress like they belong in the Japanese equivalent of a trailer park, but they also celebrate the scatological! Have a look at some of the titles of the pages within this colouring book:
It’s gratuitous to a point that in my mind makes the colouring book grosser than the actual toys. At least the toys are simply a capsule of glittery green slime that is supposed to represent Unicorn poop. Weird but acceptable, it’s not like there aren’t a million little boys running around with plastic dog poops and hiding them in their parent’s shoes for a joke. But really – ‘Turd is the Word?’ C’mon, no one needs that kind of thing marketed to them, let alone little girls.
So I am putting my foot down! While I am not cruel enough to take away my daughters new colouring book, for the future I am putting Poopsie on the ‘not in my house’ list. If my son can live without ‘Pokemon’ she can survive without this.
Well, if nothing else, its the most convincing impression of Brittney Spears I’ve ever seen.
Well it’s been a bit over a year since I did a Househusbandblog post and with good reason, I got forcibly retired from my position.
Yes with both the children now school age and a second income being desirable, I once again full-time entered the workforce. No more watching 500 funeral insurance ad’s a day for me!
But with the lockdown that accompanied the pandemic, like many others I started working from home. This meant I was once again thrust into the position of Househusband, albeit one that still had to get on the computer from time to time to fulfil his work obligations. Now that the lockdown restrictions are easing and I have had to physically return to work 5 days a week, I’m going to voice an opinion that hasn’t been heard much over the last several months.
I liked the lockdown. I enjoyed it!
Yep! I was happy to be back at home – I really was! Despite being the social butterfly in my late teens and 20’s & 30’s, in my 40’s as a Dad, husband and hobby farmer I’m quite fond of the hermit lifestyle where I only see my personal family unit and rarely venture out. I still had to physically go into work one or two days a week during the pandemic but the rest I never left the farm. No rushing around in the mornings trying to get myself ready. No packing my lunch. No drive to my job. I could simply get my work done at home at my own pace, grow my isolation beard and occasionally change out of my pyjamas if I had a Zoom meeting (and even then I considered pants optional).
And the beauty was that my wife was working from home most days too! No long commute for her in the mornings. No getting home really late because of the long post-work drive. Our children’s school was quite clear that for continuity they wanted our kids to either attend school every day or none at all. Since there were days both my wife and I still had to go into work this meant the kids attended school. And since they were at school full time, it meant that my wife and I got some ‘us’ time on our lunch breaks the days we were both home. We could sit together and have a meal and a cuppa without kids screaming that they were hungry or thirsty or tired or bored or annoyed or that their sibling hit them. It was the most one-on-one time we’ve had in our marriage since we became parents! It was beautiful and it was something neither of us took for granted. And when our kids came home on the bus, because I had gotten so many househusband jobs done during the day it meant I had more time to spend with them every afternoon. It really was a win-win situation, especially since we weren’t short on toilet paper.
Isolation is natural in the bush
As for being physically stuck at home…. well…. it’s not so bad when you live on 125 acres in the middle of nowhere. During the bushfires we spent so much of the summer evacuated and wondering if we would ever see our beloved property again, it was a joy to have an enforced couple of months in the autumn upon it. Caught up on all those farm jobs that had been going wanting for so long. And with no children at home for 7 hours a day it meant I didn’t have to stop mid-task to wipe a nose or bandage a boo-boo. I completely sympathize with those during this pandemic that live in big cities – living in areas where you dared not venture out of tiny apartments must have been claustophobic to say the least. But when you’ve got huge areas of bushland on your own property you can walk around without risk of meeting another soul – being stuck at home is really a non-issue.
Wasn’t hard for our kids to social distance from the rest of the world
So yeah, I liked the lockdown. Staying at home on the farm was wonderful and I enjoyed every minute of it! More time on my property, more time with my family – where so many are hating on the Chinese right now I’m inclined to send them a thank you card! My heart goes out to all those during this pandemic who have suffered stress, gotten sick, lost loved ones, lost jobs, felt depression stuck at home etc. Just because I didn’t experience it personally doesnt meet I don’t understand or indeed sympathise. But for me it was lovely to return to the hermit lifestyle a very welcome respite – I hope some of you were also able to find a ray of positive sunshine in your lives during this crisis as well.
Colorism, sometimes also referred to as shadeism, is discrimination based on a person’s skin colour. This is usually tied up with racism, as in people hating entire races and/or nationalities of people and citing their skin colour as one of the things they are prejudiced against. However the reason that colourism and racism are not the same thing is that skin colour does not always equate to a specific or entire race. Therefore, whilst racism is unanimously deplored by all right-thinking people everywhere, Colourism still manages to sneak in under the door and get a good look in.
As a Caucasian man in a predominately Caucasian country, racism is something that has affected my life very little on a personal level. I’ve occasionally been called a name by someone of a different race based on my own but its been an extremely rare occurrence. I’ve experienced Nationality-based Discrimination somewhat more, which has usually taken the form of online comments from those who wish to arbitrarily dismiss my opinions under the guise of ‘you’re just an Aussie’. Sometimes it has also taken the form of people not liking my accent and have expressed this in comments on my youtube channel. But once again this is rare and has affected my life little.
But colorism – oh my, I cop that all the time! And not because I’m white but because I’m RED.
I’m a nice guy – don’t judge me because of the colour of my skin.
Yes, I am red. I have been red nearly my entire adult life. And year in, year out people feel the need to inform me of my skin colour constantly. Whether it’s in person or commenting on an online photo of me, people can’t help but point out how red I am. Well guess what?
I FUCKING KNOW ALREADY!
Why the fuck does mocking people for having a red complexion get a pass eh? It’s not like I’ve got one on purpose! I do wear sunscreen, I’m not an alcoholic and I don’t wear blush. My skin colour is not an intentional decision I have taken alright!
The reason for my skin colour is simple: my genetic makeup and ancestral heritage combined with my lifestyle and world locality.
In other words I am someone who is bred to live in cloudy overcast countries and stay indoors a lot. Not to live on a farm on a continent that is not only the driest but also one of the hottest and lead an outdoorsy lifestyle.
So yes, my pale and freckly skin would much prefer it if I lived in England and worked all day in an accountant’s office. But unfortunately for it I live in Australia and spend as much time as possible outdoors pottering around the farm and playing with my kids. And because I’ve spent decades outdoors, I’ve been sunburnt so many times with such regularity (despite habitually wearing hats and sunscreen) that from the neck up I am now permanently red.
An artists (my sons) impression of me. And yes I know you find it funny.
And what’s more I get redder. If I eat super spicy food or hot sauce I go redder. If I run until I’m exhausted I get redder. If I choke on something I go redder. And if I get angry I have a complexion which makes a beetroot look like it’s a baseball in a snowstorm.
Strangely people feel very comfortable informing me of this. You wouldn’t go up to an Albino and say ‘My god you are white!’ or go up to an Indigenous Australian and say ‘My god you are black!’ would you? So why is it ok for people to come up to me with regularity and say ‘My god you are red!’?
Guess what? It’s not. I’m fucking sick of it! I fucking know I am red! I know I should have been a Butcher or a Drill Sargent. I know that if even the slightest shaft of weak sunlight gets reflected and hits my skin I get the complexion of a strawberry. I know I look like I’ve just been caught masturbating and am blushing like a virgin bride. I know you think I must be a Jeff Foxworthy fan because I have a red neck. And I know that if I get angry you can land planes by the glow of my face. I know, I know, I fucking KNOW!
‘Go ahead – tell me again I’ve got the complexion of a used tampon. Say it one more god damn time!’
So next time you feel like informing me, or someone else that is red that we are red, just don’t. We know. We don’t need to be told and we really don’t need you making fun of it. Other red faced people like me will have heard every joke by now. We didn’t really find them funny the first time we heard them, let alone the thousandth. You think I have a face that would make bulls charge on sight? Fine. Think it. But don’t type it and definitely don’t come up to me and say it. I don’t want to hear it and frankly it makes me feel even more self-conscious about my colour than I already am. I don’t like being red, I really genuinely don’t. I’ve tried every cream and skin treatment there is for decades and they don’t work – I’m stuck this colour. But it’s my lot in life and I do my best to get through day to day just like everyone else. So can you please stop telling me how red my skin is? Even when you mean it as harmless fun it always makes me feel that little bit shit about myself – every single time.
Society condemns racism, homophobia, religious persecution, body shaming, gender inequality – most anything where you make people feel bad about or victimizes them for who they are. I think it’s high time Colorism was added to this too.
Now if you will excuse me I’m hungry, and writing this has pissed me off so much I’m gonna go fry an egg on my forehead for lunch.
The Warrior Class toys from the Cyberverse line had gotten a reputation for being pretty poor, and for the most part that rep was deserved. The simplistic paint jobs, transformations and lacklustre modes have made many of these figures an easy pass for most collectors.
However thankfully, like the cartoon which got pretty damn good in seasons 2 and 3, the powers that be decided to improve the Cyberverse toyline too. And they have done so by introducing the Deluxe Class. This class is used by the Generations line and usually involves a higher degree of sophistication in all facets when compared to the Warrior Class, and of late has included blast effects that can be attached to characters weapons.
So lets have a look at the first wave of the Cyberverse Deluxe Class figures – Bumblebee, Optimus, Megatron and Shockwave.
Bumblebee
Sigh, it wouldn’t be a Transformers toyline without about a 150 different versions of Bumblebee would it. Thankfully this Bumblebee is quite good. He looks very screen accurate, comes with a lot more detail than the preceding Warrior Class figure, and comes with his stinger as well as a gun. Very nice!
The vehicle mode is ok. Quite compact with a decent amount of detail. However this is one case where I would say the Warrior Class looks that bit more impressive.
Optimus Prime
Once again, a vast improvement on the Warrior Class toy that came before. Optimus has good articulation, good proportions and it’s always appreciated when you can open an Optimus toys chest to find a Matrix inside. And you can use this one to (simulate) blast the big baddies, just like in the cartoon!
The vehicle mode is ok, not bad but nothing special to write home about. Perhaps a bit better than the Warrior Class due to the better paintjob (always irritates me when Optimus has red smokestacks).
Megatron
My son doesn’t own the Warrior Class Megatron so we had to compare him to another from the Cyberverse line which equated to no comparison at all. Megatron looks very good here – very cartoon faithful and well articulated. I particularly like the head sculpt. Would have been nice for him to have an Energon Morningstar but I guess you can’t have anything.
A pretty decent looking Cybertronian Tank, full of nice angles and Megatron’s arm cannon taking centre stage as the tank turret. Small but feisty and very cartoon accurate.
Fusion Mega Shot
Shockwave
Shockwave has gotten nearly as many Cyberverse toys as Bumblebee, having a figure in nearly every size. And unlike many the Shockwave toys haven’t been half bad. This Shockwave is good but doesn’t particularly stand out from any of the others, though its nice to see him get his arm cord back.
The beauty of having multiple Shockwave’s is that you can convert your other ones into the crab-tank modes to represent the army of drones he has in the cartoon. Once again, this toy doesn’t particularly stand out from any that have come before, though there are multiple ports on the tank mode to put his extra blaster in, giving you more options.
‘My babies. My ugly, ugly babies’
Maccadams/Alchemist Prime Parts
Part of the lure to get these figure is that each character comes with a body part that, when combined, form Maccadams. It’s very tempting as there has never been a toy of the famous bartender before. If you end up with multiple Shockwaves you can always use both legs, which looks a bit odd but saves you buying other figures down the line if you don’t want them.
Cyberverse Deluxe Class – worth getting?
Well they are for the most part the best Cyberverse toys we have gotten so if you are a big fan of the show then you may want to pick them up. If not then you can always bypass them. I found these figures for a staggeringly cheap $12(AU) each on sale so I was more than happy to pick them up at that price. And of course, the temptation is now there to get the next four in order to make Maccadams.
