Alien Robot to be Barnaby Joyce’s new assistant

In the wake of the public scandal where former Deputy PM Barnaby Joyce lost his position due to having an extra-marital affair with a member of his staff whom fell pregnant, new rules have been introduced into parliament to prevent further indiscretions between Members of Parliament and their employees.

However it appears Mr Joyce has already found a way to circumvent these new rules with the hiring of his new primary aide.  Whilst this aide, named Alice, may appear to be a very attractive woman on the outside, she is actually an extra-terrestrial robotic assassin who starred in the 2009 Transformers film Revenge of the Fallen.

Apparently since she is not human but a Decepticon, Alice will not fall under the jurisdiction of the Code of Conduct.

“Since she is technically a robot, we are classifying her as a fax machine” said a spokesman in Barnaby’s office.


Nude photo’s already surfacing


Given Alice’s less than human nature, will this make it easier for Mr. Joyce resist temptation?

“Well it doesn’t matter if he resists or not, it doesn’t break the new Parliamentary Code of Conduct”.  said another member of Barnaby’s staff  “However I noticed a difference in his breath.  It smelt like diesel – like a diesel-y tinge to it”


Many on Barnaby’s staff seem to think Alice should acclimatize well to her new role.  The Decepticon in question is a type of Transformer classified as a ‘Pretender’, due to being disguised as a humanoid rather than a car or truck.  Given Mr Joyce is an accomplished pretender himself, as demonstrated from his consistent preaching about the sanctity of marriage during the gay marriage debate, it is believed they will be a good fit for each other.

However despite this effort from the former Deputy PM to avoid further scandal, rumours have begun to circulate that Barnaby and his ‘fax machine’ could already be expecting an alien-hybrid offspring.

“The protoform might not even be mine but I’ll be sticking by her.  Anyway, it’s nobody’s business, it’s a private matter and that’s an end to it” said Mr Joyce.

“I’ll be holding a press conference to discuss it in full detail tomorrow”


When approached for comment, Alice attempted to lick reporters from across the room before converting her arm into a plasma cannon and blowing a hole in the wall, escaping into the night.


More details as they develop.


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