Preface: The “TNT Burger” is the hottest 100% Australian made burger in the world ! We use sauces made by “The Chilli Factory” including the lastest “Scorpion Strike” which is made with the hottest chilli in the world – the Trinidad Scorpion Butch T,,we also use the famous “Turbo Supercharge” as well as “Devils Delirium” in our patty among with other special flavours ! The patty is 330gm infused with the above sauces,the bun is 200gm,the burger is topped with fresh chillis, 2 rashers of bacon,tomato,lettuce,onion& cheese and of course The Chilli Factory’s award winning sauces! Many have tried with no luck and a sore ring im sure ! Only 14 people have successfully munched it down ! Those who have succeeded get their name on the “Wall of Flame” and receive a Chilli Factory stubbie holder and lanyard ! Now with the new hottest chilli in the world (“Trinidad Scorpion Butch T ) the burger will be at its hottest

 

Thursday

11.00am: I telephone the venue and book the burger challenge the requisite 24-hours in advance. I am informed that the burger will cost $15 because of the imported chili’s and they will not start it’s preparation until I am on site.

 

Friday

11.15am: I take a group of teenagers, whom (quite understandably) look to me as their guiding inspiration, down to the venue so they can watch me eat it. I figure that I’m used to eating hot sauce pretty often and if it’s too hot I’ll just wolf it down fast. I have what drinks I will require all squared up in my head and I feel ready for the challenge.

11.20am: They start to make the burger. I see how big the patty is and realize I won’t be wolfing this down fast – it’s very big! The boys and I are watching the chef at work with growing trepidation. We see the imported chili’s taken out, chopped up and put on (there’s a lot of them – I find out later from the chef that they are in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the hottest in the world!). A lot of the sauces being poured on have ratings adorning the  labels such as 12/10 hotness!

11.25am: The chefs wife comes out, informs me of the contest rules. There can be no drinking during the challenge (uh-oh!), I have to sit at this table in the middle of the place by myself so no one else gets any of the hot sauces on them by accident. I need to wear special gloves when eating it (holy crap!). They provide napkins and say only use one at a time to wipe my mouth (apparently my lips and skin will be burning) then discard so I don’t spread the juices and make it worse. They provide one of my entourage  a cooled tea towel and instruct him that he will need to mop my forehead fairly often. They also instruct me to keep the sauces/juices away from my eyes as I could end up in hospital if I get any in there.

11.30am: I sit down, now somewhat nervous and don the gloves. My disciples set themselves up at a respectful distance to watch and some film with their phones. The burger comes out (it is damn big!). I’m informed I have two hours to eat it, most people that have managed it (only 14 out of the few hundred that have tried) take about an hour.

 

11.31am: I take my first bite. It’s hot, damn hot, but nothing I can’t handle. I decide to try and get it down fast so I start really hoeing in. The lads are laughing and encouraging me.

11.35am: Mouth and throat now on fire! Really want a drink. Starting to slow with my eating.

11.40am: Lips and surrounding skin now burning. Using napkins after each bite. Have broken out in the sweats – armpits saturated and forehead needing to be frequently mopped. Lads laughter has turned to unsure giggles.

11.45am: Starting to feel nauseous, eating slow. Needing a break after each bite with eyes closed and slow breathing. The Chef appears and tells my entourage not to make any noise as people often need peace at this part of the process.

11.50am: Taking a full minute break between each bite. Two-thirds of burger gone. Mouth and throat no longer on fire as they have gone numb. Nausea has become quite intense. Really sweating hard.

11.55am: Disciples now silent except for one telling me he thinks I should stop. The chefs wife comes to check on me, tells me if I start to have chest pains she will be forced to stop the challenge.

12.00pm: Nausea now very intense. Feeling a very odd tingling sensation down both arms I have never felt before. Hands shaking, eyes closed, breathing heavily.

12.05pm: Having to chew each tiny mouthful about 50 times before I can swallow it. Throat numb and swollen. Even eating a tiny piece of onion makes me feel like I am going to vomit. Dead silence in the venue, everyone watching intently, no one cheering me on anymore, just a lot of worried faces.

12.10pm: Stomach now not only nauseous but I am feeling definite acute pains down there. The tingling in my arms has become very intense. Strong headache coming on. Skin ever redder than usual. I take a bite of the patty about the size of a mint. Realize that if I swallow it I will definitely vomit. Look at my plate, there is about a fifth of the burger to go. I realize that I’m going to lose the challenge – I just can’t do it! Take the piece of meat out of my mouth, put it on the table and admit defeat with a hung head.

12.11pm: The teenagers all breathe a sigh of relief and I realize just how intense the atmosphere had become. The Chef’s wife brings me some fresh watermelon and a drink which I take gratefully. The  Chef himself comes out, we shake hands and I compliment him on his victory. We chat for about 5 minutes, turns out that the first time he tried the challenge he couldn’t do it either. I vow to come back next year and take another crack at it. I don’t get my name on the wall or the other prizes but he gives me a lanyard for getting so close. The Chef’s wife warns me that I should  not kiss anyone for the next 5 hours because the heat transfers and it could cause them pain and made quite the point of emphasizing I should not kiss anyone anywhere, don’t think she was talking about at the Opera somehow.

12.15pm: I drive back to work,  find a cool quiet bit of carpet in front of an air conditioner in a low traffic area and lie down. A bemused but sympathetic co-worker gets me some pain killers from the First Aid cabinet. I count down the clock until the day ends, trying not to vomit. Go home and spend the rest of the day with severe stomach pains coming and going. Drinking milk seems to alleviate the worst symptoms.

 

Saturday

3.10am: Wake up with stomach hurting and something definitely going wrong downstairs. Go to the toilet. What I can only assume is a form of viscous fire erupts from the lower part of me. Spend the next half hour on the toilet in intense pain and my backside feeling just as much on fire as my mouth had done 15 hours earlier.

3.40am: Take pain killers and alka-seltzers and go back to bed, vowing not to go back next year and try again.

 

Afterword: I tell this story with a sense of shame.  It is the only time in my entire life I have failed a food challenge and failure does not sit well with me, so I may be stupid enough to make another attempt some time in the future.  In the end it was the nausea the burger was creating that beat me (and given the ingredients I am not surprised) rather than how hot it was making my mouth so maybe something to line my stomach beforehand may be in order.